Ummm soooooooo I am alone. That's the way I feel.
I feel that I can't tell anyone my feelings without the judgement, the criticism.
I just need to talk to someone and for them to listen.
I am alone.
Good night :P
Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Conversation
So i have a problem.
I cant hold a Conversation with most people.
Why?
I really dont know? it could be my lack of experience with people. It could be the fact that i dont always relate to most people either.
I am a simple person and i have simple tastes and im not overly complicated actually im just way to simple it seems. Predictable even.
With this simple personality comes a simply fact that i dont always need or always find the need to talk or put my input in on something.
I have just come to thinking about it, i just dont talk. Maybe thats why alot of what is going on in my life right now is happening. I dont express my feelings. i dont tell others what is on my mind.
Hmmmm i dont know.
also i might just be boring and hard to have a conversation with also.
Well, that has just been on my mind and it seems to be the root to some of my problems.
Wanna talk about it? :P
hahahahahahahaha
I cant hold a Conversation with most people.
Why?
I really dont know? it could be my lack of experience with people. It could be the fact that i dont always relate to most people either.
I am a simple person and i have simple tastes and im not overly complicated actually im just way to simple it seems. Predictable even.
With this simple personality comes a simply fact that i dont always need or always find the need to talk or put my input in on something.
I have just come to thinking about it, i just dont talk. Maybe thats why alot of what is going on in my life right now is happening. I dont express my feelings. i dont tell others what is on my mind.
Hmmmm i dont know.
also i might just be boring and hard to have a conversation with also.
Well, that has just been on my mind and it seems to be the root to some of my problems.
Wanna talk about it? :P
hahahahahahahaha
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Back Home
Its pretty much depression.
My first thoughts, i miss my friends. Why cant i live there for ever. No worries. Always having fun.
Second thoughts, Am i an asshole for not wanting to come back and hang out with my friends here? I mean i love them to death too, but its two different worlds and I love both of them.
So, no im not an asshole. Im just divided. I dont know where i want to be in life.
First wish- i wish i could teleport....
Second wish- i wish we could all be together
Third wish- No worries, the only thing i want to worry about is if i should have pizza with bacon or should i have some Panda Express?
I am never bored when i am in Maine. I am never alone, i never feel lonely. I am never hungry. I am always full.
and when i come back home, its "snap! Back to reality..."
My first thoughts, i miss my friends. Why cant i live there for ever. No worries. Always having fun.
Second thoughts, Am i an asshole for not wanting to come back and hang out with my friends here? I mean i love them to death too, but its two different worlds and I love both of them.
So, no im not an asshole. Im just divided. I dont know where i want to be in life.
First wish- i wish i could teleport....
Second wish- i wish we could all be together
Third wish- No worries, the only thing i want to worry about is if i should have pizza with bacon or should i have some Panda Express?
I am never bored when i am in Maine. I am never alone, i never feel lonely. I am never hungry. I am always full.
and when i come back home, its "snap! Back to reality..."
Friday, April 22, 2011
Portal 2
My thoughts on Portal 2.
Simply Put it is one of the best games i have ever played.
why?
there is no balancing issues, no little, immature, kids noob tubing me half way across the map...
hahahahahahaha
no but seriously, this game is literally one of th best i have ever played.
The story has great depth and explains the back stories to GLaDOS' and Aperture Science in general. It is funny in all areas and the best part is that it can be very serious at the same time.
My favorite part of the whole game is when you are taken to the 1960's version of Aperture Facilities and you finally get to use all the gels. That is also a great part of the game. you dont even think about the gels untill you get there. You are to busy trying to either solve the puzzles or worrying about your own life and the story. Once you even get to the gels its not even half way through. Its great.
Im not going to spoil or even mention any of the games details because you need to learn it yourself in order to enjoy it. My only complaint about this game is that the cake is literally mentioned once and its not even mentioned by the main characters sadly enough.
Oh and the voice acting. Oh my god the voice acting...
It is so good. Every single person that talks in this game seems like they loved their lines and character so much that they would have done all of it for free! You can just tell that all of the actors loved their jobs.
Basically this is not that much of a good written review. Cause i dont want to spoil anything in the story. I really dont. Its soooo goood.
Bassically you just need to buy this game. If you like anything relating to half life or any type of puzzle games then buy this. If you are tired of Call of Duty, which i know for a fact there are alot of you out there, this is the game to get your mind off of it. Dont rush through the puzzles enjoy the game. Its not suppose to be fast its suppose to be hard. Although i didnt find the puzzles to be that hard in most of the cases but i think its just cause i have a nack for things like that.
All in all i would give this game a 10 out of 10. No joke.
and the best part, the story continues after the single player. The co-op picks up right after. and i have heard that it is just as long as the single player. (which was about a 6 to 7 hour play through for me) \
Buy this game! that is all :D
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Headache and horror movies dont mix :/
So...What happened today?
Well i had a headache for most of the day. Wasnt to bad though and had a good day.
Bad thing though, damn horror movie.
I dont like horror movies at all. They are stale in story and scare the shit out of me. I dont like being scared. But i understand those who enjoy it...To each their own...
So why did i see it? cause i love hanging out with my friends. I would do anything to hang out with them. Like seeing a horror film. So i had a good time. I sat there and was quite. Enjoyed it for what it was. On the way back from the film i did in fact have one problem. People making fun of one another.
my moral opinion: never make fun of people.
So first i would like to say, i am a hypocrite. I know i am. But i still have a valid opinion and i do, most of the time, not make fun of people.
So my friends were mocking one of their friends because of his actions in the movie. I agree with them, the kid was kind of annoying. But having to mock him for our enjoyment?
No, to far.
just because he was your friend doesnt mean it gives you the right to mock him. I know what it is to be made fun of behind my back. and even strait to my face. Had it happen to me for 5 years strait almost every day. Its horrible.
I dont really know where i was going with this but i just believe its wrong.
Maybe thats just me. maybe im just to sensitive and what not. I just dont judge.
(and i still love my friends, i just disagree with them sometimes. For example the above situation)
So now im back and just chillin. Still have a fucking headache. I miss my friends. Always seems like i say goodbye and never hello. If you know what i mean.
i want them all to myself. But that is wayyyyyyy to selfish and thats not just me. Its not my style..yo....
;)
You dont always get what you want. So i prepare myself for the worst, and sometimes, only sometimes hope for the best. Because hope to me is nothing but a huge letdown. call me a pessimist or whatever. But that is just the way i am.
Hope to see my friends and hang out at least one more time before we depart. I hope hahaha
oh and p.s.
new trailers:
http://movies.ign.com/articles/116/1162971p1.html
xmen trailer
http://www.ign.com/videos/2011/04/19/cowboys-and-aliens-trailer-2
cowboys and aliens trailer
cya later :D
Well i had a headache for most of the day. Wasnt to bad though and had a good day.
Bad thing though, damn horror movie.
I dont like horror movies at all. They are stale in story and scare the shit out of me. I dont like being scared. But i understand those who enjoy it...To each their own...
So why did i see it? cause i love hanging out with my friends. I would do anything to hang out with them. Like seeing a horror film. So i had a good time. I sat there and was quite. Enjoyed it for what it was. On the way back from the film i did in fact have one problem. People making fun of one another.
my moral opinion: never make fun of people.
So first i would like to say, i am a hypocrite. I know i am. But i still have a valid opinion and i do, most of the time, not make fun of people.
So my friends were mocking one of their friends because of his actions in the movie. I agree with them, the kid was kind of annoying. But having to mock him for our enjoyment?
No, to far.
just because he was your friend doesnt mean it gives you the right to mock him. I know what it is to be made fun of behind my back. and even strait to my face. Had it happen to me for 5 years strait almost every day. Its horrible.
I dont really know where i was going with this but i just believe its wrong.
Maybe thats just me. maybe im just to sensitive and what not. I just dont judge.
(and i still love my friends, i just disagree with them sometimes. For example the above situation)
So now im back and just chillin. Still have a fucking headache. I miss my friends. Always seems like i say goodbye and never hello. If you know what i mean.
i want them all to myself. But that is wayyyyyyy to selfish and thats not just me. Its not my style..yo....
;)
You dont always get what you want. So i prepare myself for the worst, and sometimes, only sometimes hope for the best. Because hope to me is nothing but a huge letdown. call me a pessimist or whatever. But that is just the way i am.
Hope to see my friends and hang out at least one more time before we depart. I hope hahaha
oh and p.s.
new trailers:
http://movies.ign.com/articles/116/1162971p1.html
xmen trailer
http://www.ign.com/videos/2011/04/19/cowboys-and-aliens-trailer-2
cowboys and aliens trailer
cya later :D
My opinions on Insidious
So Insidious....A good Horror movie?
Yes
A good Movie in general?
No
It was an acceptable horror movie. It scared me, but it kind of lost it in the end. It got a little to over done with its zombie souls everywhere. Also i get scared easily so, what does that say?
Also i had a friend of mines friend literally have a mental break down during the movie and everyone started laughing at him. Kind of annoying.
So im not going to go into this movie to much.
It was shot nicely and it scared me in ways that most other movies dont.
the bad thing about it was the story itself. The story didnt scare me, the scenes did. The lighting, the creepy makeup and sounds. A good scary movies story scares you and then it is portrayed through the screen. I shouldnt be able to predict when the next scary scene is because of the music, or the drastic change to Hand held camera.
Also the story itself was the traditional horror exorcism-esk film. Im not going to spoil the film in any way. Its just kind of predictable except in some minor places.
So my final verdict is that it is a movie worth seeing if you are into horror films. But if you are looking for a deep plot and something different then dont go see this movie. Rent it or just torrent it. If i had to put a star rating i would give it two.
The first is for its horror rating- a 3.5 out of 5
the second for its average movie rating i would give it a 2 out of 5.
Yes
A good Movie in general?
No
It was an acceptable horror movie. It scared me, but it kind of lost it in the end. It got a little to over done with its zombie souls everywhere. Also i get scared easily so, what does that say?
Also i had a friend of mines friend literally have a mental break down during the movie and everyone started laughing at him. Kind of annoying.
So im not going to go into this movie to much.
It was shot nicely and it scared me in ways that most other movies dont.
the bad thing about it was the story itself. The story didnt scare me, the scenes did. The lighting, the creepy makeup and sounds. A good scary movies story scares you and then it is portrayed through the screen. I shouldnt be able to predict when the next scary scene is because of the music, or the drastic change to Hand held camera.
Also the story itself was the traditional horror exorcism-esk film. Im not going to spoil the film in any way. Its just kind of predictable except in some minor places.
So my final verdict is that it is a movie worth seeing if you are into horror films. But if you are looking for a deep plot and something different then dont go see this movie. Rent it or just torrent it. If i had to put a star rating i would give it two.
The first is for its horror rating- a 3.5 out of 5
the second for its average movie rating i would give it a 2 out of 5.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Awesome fireworks and lightening- StumbleUpon
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2jTz9G/antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/image/0702/mcnaught3_kemppainen.jpg
so how does this picture make me feel? Content. Happy with where i am in life.
I had a little freak out last night as you can tell...And that is only what i published online. Not what i have on my iPod hahaha.
So this picture, to me, shows my personality. My divided mind. As you can probably tell i change my mind very quickly and it can be seen through my writing.
This shows the two sides of me. The depressing, yet realistic, side of me. Which is the lightening.
And then the other side. The fireworks. This is my imagination, my hope, my happy side. It is a small side of my mind but when it is shown it is spectacular. I love being happy, just how i love the fireworks. The awesome colors, the explosions and all the surprise.
So this may seem cheesy but its the way i view things. I assign meaning to everything. I look at everything and try to relate it back to me or something i know. I do this so i can relate to the real world and it also helps me remember things.
Also i like the people. I can relate to the people viewing the spectacle.
See i am the people, and the lightening and fireworks is my mind. I think everything through and then i try and view it from a different perspective. i am those people.
I know this picture may be Photoshoped but i really dont give a fuck.
hope you guys enjoy the picture. The writing, like everything else i post is just for me to look back on.
so how does this picture make me feel? Content. Happy with where i am in life.
I had a little freak out last night as you can tell...And that is only what i published online. Not what i have on my iPod hahaha.
So this picture, to me, shows my personality. My divided mind. As you can probably tell i change my mind very quickly and it can be seen through my writing.This shows the two sides of me. The depressing, yet realistic, side of me. Which is the lightening.
And then the other side. The fireworks. This is my imagination, my hope, my happy side. It is a small side of my mind but when it is shown it is spectacular. I love being happy, just how i love the fireworks. The awesome colors, the explosions and all the surprise.
So this may seem cheesy but its the way i view things. I assign meaning to everything. I look at everything and try to relate it back to me or something i know. I do this so i can relate to the real world and it also helps me remember things.
Also i like the people. I can relate to the people viewing the spectacle.
See i am the people, and the lightening and fireworks is my mind. I think everything through and then i try and view it from a different perspective. i am those people.
I know this picture may be Photoshoped but i really dont give a fuck.
hope you guys enjoy the picture. The writing, like everything else i post is just for me to look back on.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Hardest Decision of my Life?
Today i woke up and knew it wasnt gunna be the best. I could just feel it :(
so what happened?
It was a perfectly normal day. If anything i would have loved it. But alot came up and i have to make a few decisions. Can i list the choices? or even just the Problem like my other posts?
No. I can not.
Why?
because if i do peoples feelings will be hurt.
So here i go again. Listing my problems for all to read. Even though no one will probably read them.
Actually now that i think about it, the people that matter most and the people this is about will more than likely read it.
Damn. So how can i make this very broad and inconspicuous AND still get my feelings out...hmmmmmm
here we go.
Problem- im so fucking indecisive.
Answer- Ask friends and people what i should do. and then act on their opinions. Cause once i see others opinions i can actually formulate my own and my own plan of action.
so...easy enough eh?
No. Not at all.
Problem with the Answer- If i ask the people what i should do they will be optimistic and not tell me what i need to hear. They will give me hope.
Which they already have. And i love them for it. But i came to realize that this hope is so misleading it will indeed tear me apart.
So. You may ask why i need to ask for a depressing answer? because it is what is needed and i am to much or a bitch...no...i dont know what i am...I need the harsh reality of the situation which i already know. But i need to make someone basically tell me what to do.
What is this? Oh geez. Its an excuse.
An excuse to back up the huge fucking rock wall that is going to fall on me.
Its okay rock wall. i know you are going to crush me and tear me apart. But i know why and i have a reason for you to do so.
shit....
So i am back in the same place. Where is that?
I am still the indecisive little kid i have been for the past like 13 years. its depressing. This whole situation is depressing.
HAHAHAHAHA
i just realized that even if i dont have to make this decision, the root of the problem will happen anyway! HA HA HA hahahahahahahahaha
i laugh at my own misfortune, my own demise, my own depression. what does that show? am i fucking crazy? hahahahaha oh my god.
this is funny, this should be an interesting read for you shouldnt it? hahahahaha or is it so fucking annoying cause you dont know what the fuck im talking about? probably the second of the two.
sorry :/
i just need to get this out of me. It is a coping mechanism.
a way to see my problems and asses the situation. To look at it from afar. Maybe i dont need another person to tell me what to do. i just need myself. I just need to re read what i am writing and judge myself to find the answer. hmmmmmm maybe that is a fix to the horrible problem.
The outcome no matter what is pain. Even if i answer the problem i will be in pain but i will save my future self. Is that so selfish? i think it very much is. But humans, no matter who you are, are the most selfish creatures i can think of.
So what if i ignore the situation, you ask? well i already answered that. I still will be in pain. But so much more. Im in pain now. and i will be until the very end.
Im arguing with myself. And there will be no winner......
so what happens?
you will see me staring. looking like im away. on another world. you may view it as being tired, as being rude and not paying attention, you may think im just stupid.
But the reality is, im staring cause thats how i think. I am deep in thought. Thinking of every out come. Hoping, hoping so much that i can find a solution without pain.
so am i ignoring you when you see my staring off? yes. yes i am. Why? because my life is more important that yours. now, that may be a harsh reality but in my opinion it is. And i will take my life for anyone in the world so that they can live. I will do anything to help another person. I will. but right now. I am being so selfish cause i am in so much pain that i cant even describe it..... and there is no reason that i should suffer. unless it is to learn.
Thank God i am a good actor. Thank god when you ask what is wrong i laugh at your joke and then go on looking fine as i did a month ago. Good think you will never know when i am in this amount of pain.
The only way you will know is if i tell you and i trust you enough to take the harsh reality and cope with it. But i am the one who determines if you can cope. I will.
I say again. Thank god i am a good actor.
Good night :)
so what happened?
It was a perfectly normal day. If anything i would have loved it. But alot came up and i have to make a few decisions. Can i list the choices? or even just the Problem like my other posts?
No. I can not.
Why?
because if i do peoples feelings will be hurt.
So here i go again. Listing my problems for all to read. Even though no one will probably read them.
Actually now that i think about it, the people that matter most and the people this is about will more than likely read it.
Damn. So how can i make this very broad and inconspicuous AND still get my feelings out...hmmmmmm
here we go.
Problem- im so fucking indecisive.
Answer- Ask friends and people what i should do. and then act on their opinions. Cause once i see others opinions i can actually formulate my own and my own plan of action.
so...easy enough eh?
No. Not at all.
Problem with the Answer- If i ask the people what i should do they will be optimistic and not tell me what i need to hear. They will give me hope.
Which they already have. And i love them for it. But i came to realize that this hope is so misleading it will indeed tear me apart.
So. You may ask why i need to ask for a depressing answer? because it is what is needed and i am to much or a bitch...no...i dont know what i am...I need the harsh reality of the situation which i already know. But i need to make someone basically tell me what to do.
What is this? Oh geez. Its an excuse.
An excuse to back up the huge fucking rock wall that is going to fall on me.
Its okay rock wall. i know you are going to crush me and tear me apart. But i know why and i have a reason for you to do so.
shit....
So i am back in the same place. Where is that?
I am still the indecisive little kid i have been for the past like 13 years. its depressing. This whole situation is depressing.
HAHAHAHAHA
i just realized that even if i dont have to make this decision, the root of the problem will happen anyway! HA HA HA hahahahahahahahaha
i laugh at my own misfortune, my own demise, my own depression. what does that show? am i fucking crazy? hahahahaha oh my god.
this is funny, this should be an interesting read for you shouldnt it? hahahahaha or is it so fucking annoying cause you dont know what the fuck im talking about? probably the second of the two.
sorry :/
i just need to get this out of me. It is a coping mechanism.
a way to see my problems and asses the situation. To look at it from afar. Maybe i dont need another person to tell me what to do. i just need myself. I just need to re read what i am writing and judge myself to find the answer. hmmmmmm maybe that is a fix to the horrible problem.
The outcome no matter what is pain. Even if i answer the problem i will be in pain but i will save my future self. Is that so selfish? i think it very much is. But humans, no matter who you are, are the most selfish creatures i can think of.
So what if i ignore the situation, you ask? well i already answered that. I still will be in pain. But so much more. Im in pain now. and i will be until the very end.
Im arguing with myself. And there will be no winner......
so what happens?
you will see me staring. looking like im away. on another world. you may view it as being tired, as being rude and not paying attention, you may think im just stupid.
But the reality is, im staring cause thats how i think. I am deep in thought. Thinking of every out come. Hoping, hoping so much that i can find a solution without pain.
so am i ignoring you when you see my staring off? yes. yes i am. Why? because my life is more important that yours. now, that may be a harsh reality but in my opinion it is. And i will take my life for anyone in the world so that they can live. I will do anything to help another person. I will. but right now. I am being so selfish cause i am in so much pain that i cant even describe it..... and there is no reason that i should suffer. unless it is to learn.
Thank God i am a good actor. Thank god when you ask what is wrong i laugh at your joke and then go on looking fine as i did a month ago. Good think you will never know when i am in this amount of pain.
The only way you will know is if i tell you and i trust you enough to take the harsh reality and cope with it. But i am the one who determines if you can cope. I will.
I say again. Thank god i am a good actor.
Good night :)
Hopes
I thought it could happen. But now I realize the chances of it happening is like 1%
Hmmmmm now I feel depressed.
If anyone reads this and knows me don't ask. I just need to write it so I can get it out there. Don't ask me what's wrong. It's who I am.
I though I might not indirectly talk about shut again but I was wrong. It probably is going to happen alot more.
Peace out Bros. I'll talk to you later! Kinda maybe? Lololol
Hmmmmm now I feel depressed.
If anyone reads this and knows me don't ask. I just need to write it so I can get it out there. Don't ask me what's wrong. It's who I am.
I though I might not indirectly talk about shut again but I was wrong. It probably is going to happen alot more.
Peace out Bros. I'll talk to you later! Kinda maybe? Lololol
Adorable dog...StumbleUpon
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/6whzn7/weruletheinternet.com/2011/03/28/30-animal-pictures-that-will-put-a-smile-on-your-face
Cute adorable animals. one of my favorite things in life.
I so happen to stubleupon on the 'Interwebs'
upon this cute little dog and animal collage. I love it cause it shows that animals are so fucking adorable!!
I just want to post a few more links through out the next few days. Just cause i can. Alot of them are of animals and awesome sunsets and blah balhghh.
All represent part of my personality and what i really enjoy. Hope you like. I wanted to post more meaningfull words to coincide with the adorable puppy! but i couldnt think of any. Maybe next time
Cute adorable animals. one of my favorite things in life.
I so happen to stubleupon on the 'Interwebs'
upon this cute little dog and animal collage. I love it cause it shows that animals are so fucking adorable!!
I just want to post a few more links through out the next few days. Just cause i can. Alot of them are of animals and awesome sunsets and blah balhghh.
All represent part of my personality and what i really enjoy. Hope you like. I wanted to post more meaningfull words to coincide with the adorable puppy! but i couldnt think of any. Maybe next time
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Thor...the beginning
I just saw the Australian review for Thor. Or rather read it.
http://movies.ign.com/articles/116/1161564p1.html
Im so happy to hear that this movie doesnt suck. Not only does it not suck but it got an above average rating. The review states that it has its funny moments and it can keep its very serious moments. The main actor Chris Hemsworth is actually a good actor. he actually act. That is great!
Now you may wonder why i am so happy that a movie got above an average rating. This is because you dont see movies now adays that are not original (this is based off a comic) and are good.
This basically is the future of many movies and this is a good sign. This movie is good so i Hope and finally believe that Captain America: the First Avenger will be above decent and so will the Avengers. These are my favorite characters in one movie and this is a stepping stone to a happy beginning! I cant wait!!!!!
I now just cant wait to see it myself and then review it on here!!!
http://movies.ign.com/articles/116/1161564p1.html
Im so happy to hear that this movie doesnt suck. Not only does it not suck but it got an above average rating. The review states that it has its funny moments and it can keep its very serious moments. The main actor Chris Hemsworth is actually a good actor. he actually act. That is great! Now you may wonder why i am so happy that a movie got above an average rating. This is because you dont see movies now adays that are not original (this is based off a comic) and are good. This basically is the future of many movies and this is a good sign. This movie is good so i Hope and finally believe that Captain America: the First Avenger will be above decent and so will the Avengers. These are my favorite characters in one movie and this is a stepping stone to a happy beginning! I cant wait!!!!!
I now just cant wait to see it myself and then review it on here!!!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Maine
im at eds house. I love it. Dont need to write to much about this cause i know ill remember this and how much fun it is.
soooo yeaaa...idk what to write about. I guess its a writers block. Hmmmmm
I like music <3
Thursday, April 14, 2011
My Problems
It is 10:34 pm on a thursday, school, night.
I realize what my problem is...Motivation
all of my life is based around it. For example, i am up this late right now so that i can clean my clothes so that i can pack them for Eds house. So what is the motivation? going to go hang out with my best friends.
problem- Why didnt i ask out that girl in freshmen and sophomore year?
why dont i even ask out the girl i like now?
answer- didnt/ dont have the motivation. (and i was/am to much of a bitch)
i couldnt for the life of me find any positive force pushing me towards my goal. Why did i want to ask out this chick? because that was and is the norm....I like a girl. maybe as a friend. maybe something more. So what is the logical thing to do at this young of an age? ask her out.
and accomplish what? nothing much. just experience. learning how to flirt, kiss, makeout, talk to women in general. Learn from my mistakes.
So now, because of my past mistakes i am a novice. a "noob" hahahaha its a funny thought. It is even more funny when people find me attractive or when people just strait up like me. It is such a puzzling thing to me. I dont know how to explain it. It just doesnt register to me, why would someone like a kid with no experience? I feel as if i might be doomed? but im not. because i do realize there are people out there who like it. who find it adorable or cute. or whatever those kids say now adays.
But now i am 18 and i am still in the same predicament. I have no motivation. Why didnt i apply to college as early as everyone else?
answer- i didnt want to move on. If i applied that was one more step into the "jail cell of responsibility". The thing is i am already in the cell. the key hasnt locked the cell door yet.
problem- stress and pessimism- i always say im stressed. I just get stressed over the littlest things. (that was a simple one)
now pessimism...thats a hard one to answer.... i dont look at all the good things in life. Why you ask? well because if i look for all the good things in life then i wont see the brutal reality that it also holds.
See the thing is, i do actually see the good things in life. Like my friends and family. But i over look these things from time. because if i always look at the good then im going to hit that brick wall of reality. Those friends and family arent always there to help me and be there for me. So i have to look at the harsh reality and prepare myself.
Plan for the worst and Hope for the best.
lost my train of thought...
problems? oh yes problems!! hmmmmmmmm life is trapped full of them. you never know what your going to get.
life without problems wouldnt be much of a life at all. So all of the words above ^^ are just things in life that make me unique. out of the ordinary. and i embrace them. They make me who i am. there is no such thing as perfect.
which is weird...because it seems that everyones goals are to strive to reach perfection. an unachievable goal.
I realize what my problem is...Motivation
all of my life is based around it. For example, i am up this late right now so that i can clean my clothes so that i can pack them for Eds house. So what is the motivation? going to go hang out with my best friends.
problem- Why didnt i ask out that girl in freshmen and sophomore year?
why dont i even ask out the girl i like now?
answer- didnt/ dont have the motivation. (and i was/am to much of a bitch)
i couldnt for the life of me find any positive force pushing me towards my goal. Why did i want to ask out this chick? because that was and is the norm....I like a girl. maybe as a friend. maybe something more. So what is the logical thing to do at this young of an age? ask her out.
and accomplish what? nothing much. just experience. learning how to flirt, kiss, makeout, talk to women in general. Learn from my mistakes.
So now, because of my past mistakes i am a novice. a "noob" hahahaha its a funny thought. It is even more funny when people find me attractive or when people just strait up like me. It is such a puzzling thing to me. I dont know how to explain it. It just doesnt register to me, why would someone like a kid with no experience? I feel as if i might be doomed? but im not. because i do realize there are people out there who like it. who find it adorable or cute. or whatever those kids say now adays.
But now i am 18 and i am still in the same predicament. I have no motivation. Why didnt i apply to college as early as everyone else?
answer- i didnt want to move on. If i applied that was one more step into the "jail cell of responsibility". The thing is i am already in the cell. the key hasnt locked the cell door yet.
problem- stress and pessimism- i always say im stressed. I just get stressed over the littlest things. (that was a simple one)
now pessimism...thats a hard one to answer.... i dont look at all the good things in life. Why you ask? well because if i look for all the good things in life then i wont see the brutal reality that it also holds.
See the thing is, i do actually see the good things in life. Like my friends and family. But i over look these things from time. because if i always look at the good then im going to hit that brick wall of reality. Those friends and family arent always there to help me and be there for me. So i have to look at the harsh reality and prepare myself.
Plan for the worst and Hope for the best.
lost my train of thought...
problems? oh yes problems!! hmmmmmmmm life is trapped full of them. you never know what your going to get.
life without problems wouldnt be much of a life at all. So all of the words above ^^ are just things in life that make me unique. out of the ordinary. and i embrace them. They make me who i am. there is no such thing as perfect.
which is weird...because it seems that everyones goals are to strive to reach perfection. an unachievable goal.
An Addiction
I have a problem...an Addiction
it is an addiction that i cant help but succumb to its callings. I need to do it. I cant resist.
So....
I did it. I had to. Couldnt help myself. I needed a cure for boredom and the cure is now my drug.
For 55 minutes per episode. With 12 episodes running in one whole season, and watching 2 whole seasons i have wasted about 24 hours of my life doing this drug
But was it wasted? i mean i was bored as shit. or bored to shit...i was really bored. So i watched it and got hooked. Now i need to get my fix. But there is a problem.
a problem.
a huge problem with a simple answer. Netflix doesnt have the 3rd season...
answer- torrent 3rd season. easy enough yea?
NO! i have a moral issue with that. I dont like to steal. no matter how many people do it.
so what do i do? i randomly search movie sites till i find a Netflix-able movie.
I have arrived at "full metal jacket"
so far i only like the first 40 minutes or so. Everything else is boring and hard to pay attention to.
It isnt a good substitute for my drug.
Im tired of being bored.
I need Dexter!!!
:P
ima goof! hahahahahahahaha.
i love this idea of a journal thing :D
it is an addiction that i cant help but succumb to its callings. I need to do it. I cant resist.
So....
I did it. I had to. Couldnt help myself. I needed a cure for boredom and the cure is now my drug.
For 55 minutes per episode. With 12 episodes running in one whole season, and watching 2 whole seasons i have wasted about 24 hours of my life doing this drug
But was it wasted? i mean i was bored as shit. or bored to shit...i was really bored. So i watched it and got hooked. Now i need to get my fix. But there is a problem.
a problem.
a huge problem with a simple answer. Netflix doesnt have the 3rd season...
answer- torrent 3rd season. easy enough yea?
NO! i have a moral issue with that. I dont like to steal. no matter how many people do it.
so what do i do? i randomly search movie sites till i find a Netflix-able movie.
I have arrived at "full metal jacket"
so far i only like the first 40 minutes or so. Everything else is boring and hard to pay attention to.
It isnt a good substitute for my drug.
Im tired of being bored.
I need Dexter!!!
:P
ima goof! hahahahahahahaha.
i love this idea of a journal thing :D
Going to eds tomorrow. Cant wait
Dont feel like writing one of these. But i have to. I want to remember all the good times.
Had a great time with Tyler today. Just chilled and walked around. Was very interesting.
Its amazing the state we live in. So boring, yet amazing. So much history.
The houses are so old. It seems they can stand there for hundreds of years, i mean they have but i feel like they can do more. Its amazing. i was just looking at something someone was looking and living or building in/on about 200 or 300 years ago.
The pyramids. Damn. So old, its amazing. Can stand the test of time. What does our generation bring? obesity? pollution? extinction of animals? Selfishness? war? its almost sad.
But eh. Its life!?
Cant wait to go to eds tomorrow. Going and hanging with him is the best. Its like its a whole diffrent world. And i never want to leave. all the halo and friends and foood!! hahaha
good times. Gunna see natalie. gunna be so fun!! Colby and john will be there too. gunna be the best week of my life. i hope!!
p.s. i love "sweet disposition"!
Had a great time with Tyler today. Just chilled and walked around. Was very interesting.
Its amazing the state we live in. So boring, yet amazing. So much history.
The houses are so old. It seems they can stand there for hundreds of years, i mean they have but i feel like they can do more. Its amazing. i was just looking at something someone was looking and living or building in/on about 200 or 300 years ago.
The pyramids. Damn. So old, its amazing. Can stand the test of time. What does our generation bring? obesity? pollution? extinction of animals? Selfishness? war? its almost sad.
But eh. Its life!?
Cant wait to go to eds tomorrow. Going and hanging with him is the best. Its like its a whole diffrent world. And i never want to leave. all the halo and friends and foood!! hahaha
good times. Gunna see natalie. gunna be so fun!! Colby and john will be there too. gunna be the best week of my life. i hope!!
p.s. i love "sweet disposition"!
Women and my thought process
i keep leading myself into believing that everything will be perfect.
What a joke that is! If anything was ever going to happen it would have happened by now...no? im so confused in this department of life. Its like a tease.
I should probably stop talking indirectly about what i feel, but now im not indirectly talking about it. Im directly confirming that i am indirect...
Okay. So! one thing i probably should learn is that i should stop writing these posts in the morning its killing my time! i need to get ready. Havnt even spiked my hair. Fuck. :(
hmmm okay need to leave now. I want to talk about this topic more. But if the people read this and start to wonder what im talking about, then im going to have to answer.
I dont want to answer that question/s.
hmmmmm i seem to create my own problems. Like not being able to spike my hair :P
i wonder what the weather is like outside?
What a joke that is! If anything was ever going to happen it would have happened by now...no? im so confused in this department of life. Its like a tease.
I should probably stop talking indirectly about what i feel, but now im not indirectly talking about it. Im directly confirming that i am indirect...
Okay. So! one thing i probably should learn is that i should stop writing these posts in the morning its killing my time! i need to get ready. Havnt even spiked my hair. Fuck. :(
hmmm okay need to leave now. I want to talk about this topic more. But if the people read this and start to wonder what im talking about, then im going to have to answer.
I dont want to answer that question/s.
hmmmmm i seem to create my own problems. Like not being able to spike my hair :P
i wonder what the weather is like outside?
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Tylers Birthday
Tis a good day.
We have bought all the necessary components to finish our version of the Matrix. All we need to do now is completely build it.
Once that is done we need to talk to Morpheus and decide if we should take the blue pill or the red one...
I know which im going to take hahahaha
good times ahead my friends. Picture will be up soon, need something to remember this by. God knows i wont unless i have pictures :D
We have bought all the necessary components to finish our version of the Matrix. All we need to do now is completely build it.
Once that is done we need to talk to Morpheus and decide if we should take the blue pill or the red one...
I know which im going to take hahahaha
good times ahead my friends. Picture will be up soon, need something to remember this by. God knows i wont unless i have pictures :D
Alone Time
The past few days it seems that i have been moving farther away from the people i love. I dont know why. I just cant hold a conversation now adays. I dont know if it is just a faze in my life that i am going through. I wouldnt call it depression but it isnt totally enjoyable either. Deep thoughts of the future run through my head day by day, minute by minute. I cant even concentrate on the things that matter any more.
What does actually matter?
I have been told that college should be the only thing on my mind right now and it is. But i dont want it to be. I have just found my friends, my group of people and we have been solidified as friends. But now college seems to be getting in the way.
I just keep moving farther away and college hasnt even started yet.
Also my obligation and plans to hang out with other friends in other places seems to ruin good moments that are in the now.
I think i should stop planning and just let it ride.
I cant though "Josh, college is the next big step in your life, you need to plan to be successful", i dont want to, but how do you say no to that?
I have also come to the realization that no one is going to read this, so this is just a journal in a way. Preserving my memories and feelings for future dates or boredom. This seems to be just for me. A good way for me to spill my feelings without anyone pestering me with why i look depressed when i really am not. A good way for me to just get what i feel out there, and know, that no one will look at it. This is not a call for help, but more of a way for whomever reads this to understand me better. To look into a mind that seems to change so much.
except maybe my colleges. hmmmmm. thats a funny thought. If you are reading. HI :) hahahhaha
also this post reminds me of the song "Sweet Disposition", i love that song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vN7HQrgakZU
Hmmmmm, good day ahead of me though. My best friends birthday. Gunna help him with designing his room for future trips into the matrix. Good days ahed, lets see if i can make the best of them...eh?
What does actually matter?
I have been told that college should be the only thing on my mind right now and it is. But i dont want it to be. I have just found my friends, my group of people and we have been solidified as friends. But now college seems to be getting in the way.
I just keep moving farther away and college hasnt even started yet.
Also my obligation and plans to hang out with other friends in other places seems to ruin good moments that are in the now.
I think i should stop planning and just let it ride.
I cant though "Josh, college is the next big step in your life, you need to plan to be successful", i dont want to, but how do you say no to that?
I have also come to the realization that no one is going to read this, so this is just a journal in a way. Preserving my memories and feelings for future dates or boredom. This seems to be just for me. A good way for me to spill my feelings without anyone pestering me with why i look depressed when i really am not. A good way for me to just get what i feel out there, and know, that no one will look at it. This is not a call for help, but more of a way for whomever reads this to understand me better. To look into a mind that seems to change so much.
except maybe my colleges. hmmmmm. thats a funny thought. If you are reading. HI :) hahahhaha
also this post reminds me of the song "Sweet Disposition", i love that song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vN7HQrgakZU
Hmmmmm, good day ahead of me though. My best friends birthday. Gunna help him with designing his room for future trips into the matrix. Good days ahed, lets see if i can make the best of them...eh?
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
A Childs Life
Enough for me is to live as a child
to never have responsibilities
to always have fun
hanging with friends all day
in the warm summer air
Enough for me is to live simply
to live day by day
never planning
always living free
But i come to realize
as i get older
what is enough for me
is not what is expected of me
enough for them
is a jail cell of responsibility
to never have responsibilities
to always have fun
hanging with friends all day
in the warm summer air
Enough for me is to live simply
to live day by day
never planning
always living free
But i come to realize
as i get older
what is enough for me
is not what is expected of me
enough for them
is a jail cell of responsibility
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