The Art of Chillin

What does it mean to Chill?
Well for each person or group of people Chillin can mean many different things.
For me it means to just sit around and do things whenever they arise, for my friends it means to gather and do something productive, productive having a very loose meaning and can be interpreted in many different ways.
So now that i have my definition out of the way i can describe on how to Chill.
So how to Chill, first you will need a stress free environment, preferably with people.
Now that you have the setting figured out, you now need to choose your people toChill with.
Who to pick? well you always need your Bros to show up. The main thing aboutChillin is your Bros. It is mandatory. Who qualifies as a "Bro"?
Well a Bro will always be there for you and is practically your brother!!!
Hence the word "Bro"
Now that you have your Bros and your setting you now need an activity.
Here is the best part about Chillin you can do anything and it will be Chillin with your Bros. But sometimes others wont view it as Chill so you have to know your audience.
Always be Chill when you are ChillinThat is another rule, never dont be Chill!!!!!!
okay so you are very ready now to Chill!!!
Other things that are nice when Chillin, women, women are almost a necessity but not always, sometimes women can bring down the Chillin Vibe and vice versa for women.
Food is also a cool thing to have along with music and sunglasses, sunglasses are very Chill(also known as 'Bro Goggles')
So now you are very much Prepared for your Chill Sesh....
One more thing, mandatory, Never bring down the Chill. Just be Chill, go with the flow, let things happen, dont always have a plan. Just go with it.
If you disagree with another Bro you may express yourself by saying that it is notChill. But once you have thrown that out there you have to back yourself up. You may have to suggest another thing to do.
You are prepared my young ones...
Be Chill :) 

The Beach

I love the Beach.
When i first show up i am dreading the moment when i have to take off my shirt...its a rough 5 mins.
Worried about what everyone is going to think of you, oh im too skinny, i dont have a good tan, i have tan lines, i look like a fool...
After those 5 mins are up though, i have the Time of my Life.
I dont know which i like more the people or just being there, in the sun and hearing/watching the waves.
I love hanging out with my friends and i love being warm and in the sun
so why not combine the two?
hahaha so basically i had a great time today, i love playing Frisbee and just chillin.
It is really the simple things in life that make it great!
This is one of the many reasons why i Love being in Maine and also why i Want to go to Cali...Beachin all day erry day (;
I hope i can go a few more times before i depart, it would make this week one of the best weeks of my life.
being in Maine, i usually have the best weeks of my life.
the people
my friends
The environment
oh, and the food ;)

Troy, I dont live to serve others, I Live to serve Myself...

So i just watched Troy for the first time. 
I really enjoyed the movie! This isnt a review but a entry to just think back on the movie.  
Quick thoughts first- acting was good but not great, screen play is great, direction and cinematography is above average but nothing to brag over, Fighting scenes though are amazing you can see that Brad Pitt is the superior Soldier in this movie and its great. 
All in all i would give this movie a 8 out of 10

SO the real reason why i am writing…The underlying message of the movie is confusing to me, i cant really find what it is. The Main thing i think for this movie is to Choose What to fight For. What is really important? not what a king tells you to do but what you believe in. And i think this movie is something to watch more than once and to think back on what your values in life really are. 

One thing that really got me in this movie was when Brad Pitt said that Gods envy us and we shouldnt them. Everything is more beautiful because tomorrow could be our last day. We value things more because we dont live forever. I dont believe in their Gods but i do agree with what he is saying, we need to value things in this life and not always worry about trying to live forever. 
I dont want to leave a Legacy, although i would enjoy that, my main purpose on this planet is to make my life, how ever long that is, (another 10 years or maybe just a few more days) to make it fun. I want to enjoy my life. I dont want to live to serve my community. Yes i would help any person on this planet, with some exceptions but i live to please myself in the end. 
Some might think, oh this kid is selfish, no i am not. Think about it, really, when you help someone else, why do you do it? 
Not always to help them, but to make yourself feel better.

If i find a women and i love her i will want to do anything to make her happy. I want to do this to keep her in my life and blah blah balh. I do this for myself.

Our world is a selfish one and in the end i want to just please myself. Some people do this by leaving a legacy, or just a name behind. Some want to be known as the best warrior who ever lived, i want to just be a good director in the film industry.

As long as i enjoy my life i am fine. I dont live to serve others, I live to serve myself… 

Prom

My Prom is coming Up…

idk if i am going to like it or not. 

I have to a dance once before in my life and it was okay, i realize now, when i look back on it though, it sucked huge monkey balls :/ hahahaha
That is only cause i couldnt dance and i had no friends.

So what is the difference now? Ummm nothing really. I still cant dance to save my life, and honestly it is one of the only things in the world that embarrasses me to do cause i know i suck :/  

I am scared to what everyone will think of me. Its like taking off my shirt, i am to afraid to be judged and it sucks. 

hmmmm, so what to do now? 

I still am going, but idk if i am going to dance or not. :/ 

Anyone care to help me with my situation, although, there isnt much to help :P

hahaha cya later alligator (;

Friends

So i have lost one of, what i thought, my best friends.

How did i loose her? well long story. But basically drama the rest is not place to say because it isnt my business to tell.
How have i been handling it?
ummmmm
okay i suppose, i am sad but life keeps moving on. Yea?
although i was a little immature and a bit of an Ass at the end, it was somewhat justified and i kind of needed to be that way to get my point across.

Did she get my point?

...No

so that is why i look like an ass, it was a failed attempt.
So what have i learned from this event? Never talk to women who have boyfriends...Problem solved.

But the word friend, that is what is really bothering me right now.
ATM as the kids say now adays.

The word friend means A Brother or A Sister to me. I would do anything to keep being friends or do anything for said friend. Anything below that, is just an person, someone i talk to. Friendship last forever in my book. And if some drama brakes up our friendship, well, that means we were never truly Brothers or Sisters.
We were never truly friends.

Sadly this has happened to me to many times.
So i need to choose my friends more wisely. Not get connected or drawn into their lives as quick as i have.

hmmmmmmmph. Sigh.

Im going to go play Assassins Creed Bro Hood till i passout from boredom...Sounds like a plan! :)
hahaha
Cya Later Alligatah (;

Loss

The best way to deal with a loss is to never be alone.
Always be with someone and or doing something. Read a book or watch a movie sothat you can be anywhere but where you are right now.
Do anything to not be alone and not think about the loss.

Whatever works I suppose.
This has happened to me before and thanks to that I know how to deal with this now.

It's a shitty situation, no doubt about that. But this is what life deals out I suppose.
Shit happens.

And shit happens to me alot.

Good Bye, I'll talk to you later (;

LessThanThree

I have a couple of new ideas for some t-shirts. Im gunna work them up soon on my computer and then see if i can get them out on a couple of shirts. So far i have a bunch of squares and hearts....hahahahah

i think your gunna have to trust me on that one. I think some of my friends/people i know might like them.

Each one is gunna have a motto to it. If you get my drift. the one with the Squares i have no idea yet.
and
the one with the hearts is going to be "Less than Three means that You are the World to Me" thats going to be on the front and on the back is going to be "<3" hahahaha. its kinda cheesy but i like it. And its a going to be a cool design, id wear it.
But i also dont care that much what people think hahahahaha.

For the squares i think im going to put "Dont be a Square, Stand Out!"
and be yourself on the back and one of the many squares that is going to be drawn will be a different color than the rest.
idk.

im still thining about it. hahah
What do you think?

Spoons

So what is spoons?

Spoons is just a very big version of tag. A person is assigned a spoon.
Person A tries to find Person B (person B's name is written on person A's Spoon)
Once person A tags person B, person B gives up his/her spoon which has person C's name on it.
And its just a gigantic circle of people with that in my senior year class. But to mix it up a little there are immunities, for example if you have a pacifier in your mouth, you cant get tagged. and the school assigns new immunities everyday that stack up ontop of each other.

So, this game is supposed to be just fun, a way for the senior class to come together and have fun.
What has happened so far? well that and just a shit ton of drama cause people are back stabbing and shit like that just so they can win.
i mean, the winner just gets a $50 gift card. Its no big deal. But so many people are getting so pissed at one another because of it. Its just a game people.

But in my friends cases its a root to a much deeper thing. Friendship.
Friends dont backstab other friends just to win $50, to like iHop.
Thats stupid. And i agree with him. that stupid. Just have fun with it.
if you have to backstab and lie to people to win, well then, thats just pathetic.

On another note, let me lay down a scenario for you here...yea?
okay, good!

say you talk to someone for a very long time. And you guys are best friends and blah blah baskd;flsdf.. you get that.
okay, so say you guys just stop talking.
it just stops. i really dont know why. but it just has.

okay, so you got that?

okay..good.

So, what do you do?
im just confused and lost and sad. cause i lost one of my friends, one of, what i thought was my best friends.
im just trying to forget and ignore and get over it. its just not the easiest thing to do.

ooo what ever. that shouldnt concern you, its my problem.

Good news!  i only have 5 days of my high school career left! its kinda awesome, but sad.
Where did all that time go? those four years?

sigh....
good bye :)

Communication

im not to good at it. But i think i am okay.
im just sitting here watching Lord of the Rings and thinking.
I feel like shit, my head hurts and my stomach is felling weird.

Not to enjoyable, but its the best i can make of it i suppose.

So communication....

a relationship, any, based on communication alone is doomed to fail, i think.
Or at least for me it is doomed. I dont know why. But i feel like i just loose my friends to it. We talk a shit load, or used to hang out and now that we stopped i just can relate. I am not that good of friends with them anymore. I have lost them and they have lost me.

Sigh.
Good night everyone.

Failed Edit

well shit folks.

i failed. I dont know what to say. I just didnt have it in me?
ehh maybe. i totally can do it, itll just get boring and hard to work on for not that great of an outcome.
So, i need new material.

need a new song. I dont know what ill use yet.
here is the vid:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_UjoAsPG8A

whatcha think?

Pepsi Shirt = WIN!!!!

the title says it all!

So, my Pepsi shirt is pretty much THE shit!

Why do i love it so much?

well, because pepsi is one of my most favorite thing in the world!!!!!
why?
well cause it taste amazing
it keeps me awake (who needs coffee?)
it has a sick logo
the name is awesome
and lastly, i love the colors!!!

so why do i love the shirt? well cause firstly its has pepsi logo on it
secondly its baby blue (another of my most favorite things)
and thirdly cause its sooooooooo soft ;)

so i am so excited to wear this to school tomorrow. im gunna be strollin in to school with my sick ass pepsi shirt and my spiked hair and some shorts. Gunna be fly as shit.

wanna know the best part??...

no one is going to notice hahahahaha. but who cares!? i love it and that is all that matters.

Pepsi Shirt = <3

*something Witty goes here*

So i cant think of an awesome/catchy title...
well shit :/
hahahahahaha

so i had a great day. My friends and i have started to clear out the "Gauntlet"
its not to bad. Its no Fort Savage but it can get there with a few weeks of work.
I think i would love it so much more if i knew there were going to be no bugs.

I hate bugs. With a passion.
They are my biggest fear. BIGGEST. i am not afraid of anything more in the world.
They are disgusting. and so fucking annoying. ahhhh they just scare me.

so, new topic! :D

umm i love my video game again. for those of  you who have read the past few posts, you may understand. For those of you who havnt, wellllll...to bad i guess.

Bad news- No more xbox live. I have run out of money.
So whats my plan/replacement?
1. make a shit ton of montages.
2. make more montages.
3. eat food.
4. go to tylers house and mooch his xbox and just hang out with him almost everyday.
5. try and start to get back into running.
6. learn how to Teleport or Read peoples minds
7. with my new found powers, i shall take over the world.....

good plan eh?
i thought so! :P

So i saw this post on Daily booth, yea i use that.
and it really spoke to me. it was kind of inspirational and hopeful as well.

 "I’ve always had a curvy body. Back in middle school kids would always make fun of me & call me “Hippo”. Now they don’t say so much ;)"


so, why do i like this? well cause it shows that people can move on. it also shows and helps me feel better about myself cause it gives me hope that i can move on from my past as well. 
its awesome. and yea she is super attractive now and i think that kind of helps this person cope with it. But i like to think what i want. GOSH!!! 
:P


hahaha im excited for what the future hold right now. What ever it may be. I dont want to grow up still, but i think i kind of come to terms with it. I understand that it is going to happen and that i need to deal with it, instead of bitching about it. 
But, knowing me, i still will complain about it from time to time. 


what ever. 


so what now? ummmmmmmmmm i really like food. and kittens. 
OH MY GOD i love kittens so much. 
so fucking adorable :) 


well, peace off my friends. 
good bye. 
too da loooooo
im bouncin yo
leavin for now
cya later
peace
*a quick nod of the head*
have a good day 
;)

Relationships

"Tomorrow I'll wake up, do some P90X
Find a really nice girl, have some really nice sex"


were it so easy...


hahahahaha. so whats on my mind this morning? 
well, relationships. 
They are a very easy concept. Two people coming together with common interests. 


There are, obviously, different levels of relationships. 
-a simple relationship is just a common interest simple as a video game. 


-friendship is multiple interests that people can relate to and talk about on a deep level.


now the hard one...


-when two people come together and express their love for each other. Now thats a great relationship. 
Some may call it boyfriend girlfriend others marriage. Some people can love each other and not be boyfriend girlfriend and just be really great friends, thats best friends. 


so relationships in general are very easy to me. 
Want a good one? 
always tell each other the truth, if they can except it and take it as criticism or as a way to improve on their character, then that person isnt the right person. 
Some may get mad, and that is fine, but when in a relationship, the two people need to work together to make themselves better people for each other.  


now, there are obviously other things in relationship that the two people need to make it work. 
But, in my opinion, at the core you need trust. Thats how it works. 
If you cant tell one another what is on your mind then it wont work. 


and it is an easy concept for me. always tell the truth. dont lie to one another. make sure your connection is the best. 
you start to develop trust. 
and that is the best part. Knowing that someone knows you in and out and you trust that person and they trust you. That is the most rewarding thing in a relationship for me. 
for me, not for everyone. 


so. i just completely lost my train of thought. 
fuck. hahahaha


ummm. i dont know if i have ADD or ADDHD but sometimes i think i do. I think i can control it to a certain point. but its whatever. it doesnt really matter. its just a mental thing. i can do anything i put my mind to, and never tell me other wise. 


soo yea. 
"thats all i have to say about that."
(for the ones that know what that is from, you are the best :D) 


so why talk about relationships today? well, one of my bestfriends keeps getting into these predicaments with his significant other...lol
its an easy fix. but when you are caught up in it all its sometimes very hard to see the answer to the problem. and i try to help, but i cant always help. i just give them a way to help each other.
so they can grow closer together, so they can trust each other. so they can accept it. 


when talking to them i had to tell them that i have been in some...
lets call it "emotional turmoil" 
yea? hahaha 
and it is very hard for me to tell people that. 


why? 


well, i can give advice from time to time, it sometimes helps people and sometimes i dont help at all. 
But, for the life of me, i cant follow my own advice. 
I never tell people my feelings. never. 
i have only done it to two people in my life. These people, i know can help me. I know they can take it and try to help me with all of their life. I also know that if i tell these people how i feel they wont die. and stress out over me. 


so why only two people? well cause if i told everyone then i would be an open book. 
i can have that. to easy to hurt me. 


so now, the main point, one of those two people turned out to ummm 
how do i say it
uhhhh 
disappear? leave me? 
ummm lets say that this person turned out that they cant multi task. 
hahahaah lets just say that. 


so, now i have only one person i can talk to about everything. and it really hurt me that i only have one instead of two. i opened up to that person, and now they arent there anymore to help. 


it sucks. so if i stay closed and only stay with this one person then i wont get hurt anymore. 


its not the best way to live. But i have done it for some time now and i didnt have that much stress untill this person came into my life. 


so im just going to stick with it. its my strategy AND i do NOT recommend it for other people. 
its good to be open to people, i just cant handle it, it just doesnt work for me. 


so, i hope this helped someone. or if not, well just comment and tell me what you think! am i wrong? am i right? 


have a good day :) 
ill post later tonight. 

What it be Homie G?

see what i did there? 

tehe

i made it rhyme....

:P

sooo i had an okay day. 

Went to the Pheasant Lane mall and just walked around and bought my mom a Mothers Day gift. 

I hope she likes it. 

While at the mall i was just chillin. Walked around. Just minded my own business and was just chillin...

Was relaxing, fun, and most of all it got my mind off things. It helped my deal with the problems in my life. 

Well, problem. 

That damn Video Game (read http://liteupthenight.blogspot.com/2011/05/dont-know-what-to-write-about.html if  you dont understand that reference) 

i wish i just didnt play it. I have gotten over it. Like i know i dont want to play it anymore. But i sure do fucking miss the living fuck out of it. But it also pisses me off too. 

If i get the chance to play it again, i dont know what i will do. Knowing me, i will probably will play it and get all pissy again cause i played it :/ 

ummmm i like food. Thought you should know that. 

yeaaa. 

hmmmm its amazing how blind one can be to something thats right infront of them. 

im an emotional wreck hahaha. 

its what ever though, with time it will pass i suppose. 

i dont know what to write about now? 

umm peanut butter? nahh to boring. 

what about....ummm

i dont know. 

whatever. ill talk later. peace out bro/bra/person ;)

Dont know what to write about

i dont know what to write about.

Tomorrow is mothers day...
i dont have any money. Actually i have about $35 in quarters that im going to use.
I have no money. It is starting to become a problem for me.

I need a job.
Dont want a job. fuck :(

Had a rough week.
as my friends would put it "i have been on edge"

Yea, i have. I really just dont know what to do. hahaahaha
i have lost it, well, actually i know where it is. But it is to hard to reach. And i use to love having it but i think if i try and get it i will be disappointed with what happens.

Its like an old video game. I use to love it, i lost it, and now i re-play it and realize how much it sucks now. So now the awesome memory of that video game is now shit. boring. causes me stress. makes me yell at my friends...i dont think im talking about a video game anymore ;)

so, what do i do now? i just leave it there. Occasionally it will fall, i will look at it. remember how good of a game it was. Look at the box art. Maybe watch a few trailers for the game to remember. But never actually play it again. So i put it back up on its shelf and keep it clean and always have it but never touch it again.
Maybe i should just throw it away? so i forget about it. So i dont have to worry about it bothering me again?
maybe.

So! New topic.
Mothers day. what should i buy?
ehhhhhhh, a card.
okay i definitely need a card.
now what else? a candle? she always wants a candle. hmmmm a gift card? ehhh, doesnt show enough love.
iTunes card? meh, i will sooner or later use it too.
ummmmmmm, i need something cheap that still looks like i care.
im so fucking bad at this. Im just not in the mood for it.
Fuck you Video Game! i wish i just never played you!!

i think ill go with a candle.
no flowers. i hate giving flowers. so typical and ordinary. boring. its just a pretty plant that will die.
wow, that sounded bad? hahahahaha

see, if flowers didnt die, and they just stayed perfect and colorful i wouldnt mind spending 69billion dollars on them. But they kinda just go bad after a week.
A candle, well at least they last about a month or two.

im hungry. Kinda want some food. nothing for me to have though. I might be able to go afford a McFlurry after i buy everything.
Maybe.
i doubt it though.

hmmmmmm, i promised you that i would write about happier stuff. Look where that got me? no where
damnit. i wonder if every teenager has gone through something like this.
they probably have, im just bad at dealing with it.
I trap my emotions in to much and just let them all out at one time. Kinda sucks.
i need a vacation.

am i really bored when i say i am bored? or am i just making an excuse to not go do anything cause i am also lazy. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

sigh. huge fucking sigh...i need to get out of this house. I just want to go walk around somewhere. Just chill, by myself. with music.

i think i might do that. actually scratch that. shit weather today. well at least thats what my mom said. ehhhh plus im going out tonight for my mom. going to go see that again. i liked thor, Natalie Portman is hot.

hahahah ill leave you on that note.

goodbye :)
ill talk to you probably tonight. maybe, kinda, i really dont know actually. But probably kinda maybe...
ya know? hahahahah
bye

Understand

Understand this...

just because i have never been in a relationship.
just because i have never had a girlfriend.

doesnt mean i dont understand...
anything,
where you are coming from,
what it is like to love,
to loose,
to give help,
It doesnt mean i dont understand.

What does it mean? it means i dont have the balls to ask out a chick.
So, what does that mean?
It means that i am shy, i am insecure, that i am afraid of failure.

I have had friends, pretty much brothers and sisters to me.
I know how to help. i do know what it is like to love another person, to want to die for them, to do anything for them.

So if you ever say, "Josh, you don't understand." then obviously you dont know what it is like to know a person. You dont know what it is like to empathize, to put yourself in anothers shoes.
"But, Josh, you don't know how you will act in that situation balh balh blah baljskerhj;askldfjlkj"

You are right, i dont. But i am almost sure that i can predict what i will say. I can promise you that i know can understand, know, or project myself into your situation to help myself understand what your situation is.

I am not ignorant or naive...

I just dont know how to kiss.

Keep that in mind.

So, im bored...

This is me writing out of boredom and frustration.
just keep that in mind. Cause im going to probably switch between many topics and its gunna be quick

So, whats up today?
I dont really know. It was an okay day today. Average i guess. and once i got home it just seemed to become shity. Boring. i guess another average day hahaha.
im just not in the best mood today. Maybe im just a negative person? Even though i love being happy.

well doesnt everyone? hahahaha wtf

i love making other people happy i guess. I love it!! i love making them smile and just hanging out with them. Just being in their presence.
But i also hate people.

So, let me restate that, i like hanging out with my friends.

so what type of mood am i in right now? just wish i could be sitting with all my friends. Next to someone just listening to all of them talking.
Occasionally submitting my feelings/thoughts and see what people say.

Why do i not like to talk to them? well i do!
but i like listening to them more and watching their reactions to my seldom sarcasm.
I like to listen and analyze, try to predict what they might say next. It helps me cope, helps me think.


Im growing up man...
I dont like it. I felt old today.
Not necessarily better, higher, bigger than other people.
But i looked at these freshmen and sophomores talking about their lives, and their problems.
Just sitting there and remembering when i use to worry about writing a 1 page essay. When my biggest problem was if i should play basketball for a couple hours or hang with friends.
Now?
i have to worry about my future, im going into the real world in less than 30 days...
less than a month..
its amazing how fast time goes. I can remember sitting with tyler at his garage, trying to just film random shit.
Watching the sun go down. Loving the weather.

now, those days are gone.
Sure i have them every once in a while, but not as much. and i cant enjoy them to there full extent.

I just find it funny how much can happen in 4 years. So much. Maybe this is the biggest change in my life.
I have changed so much.
I am an adult, i feel mature. I feel that i can take on the real world if i needed.
do i want to? am i fully prepared?

no, and i never will be


The best way to cope with it all?
music and friends.

"life has been insane"
"thats what makes life interesting, i guess. Those insane parts."

thats so true. its insane within itself how true that statement is.
I have always lived for the past, rarely for the now, and never for the future.
I need to learn from my own advice.

Live for the now, dont go crazy, but dont ever make a decision that i look back on and regret not doing something.
Just do it
so with saying that.

Im going to Prom.

whats the worst that happens?
i get really embarrassed cause i cant dance?
yea, that will totally happen. But who gives a fuck.
who will judge me? so what, i cant dance. hahaha im never gunna see those kids again in my life. And the ones that i do see again are the ones that wont make fun of me, they are the ones that im there for. To live the good life and live the memories.

now, there is only one thing on my mind.
and i cant talk about it hahahaha. its so stupid.
lets just say those love songs, they are true.
hahahaahhaahaha

ill talk to you later.
Peace :)

Memories :)

The good old times.

I want to remember these times, man.
Having fun in the woods. Having fun anywhere with anyone. I want to remember everything.
People say that a picture is worth a thousand words, well i want thousands of pictures. For thousands and thousands of memories.

So for now on, im going to take pictures at every major event for me from now on. Even the bad ones. But more importantly the Great ones. The ones that need to be preserved so that i know i had a past. So that i can look back in 50 years and remember what i used to look like. what i used to do. The mistakes and the great choices i made. The fun times. The great moments like the one above.

It was a great day. We bonded. We became more than friends, we already were, but this established it. We are brothers. "Bro's"

Good times man, good times :D

Relationships/Prom/Ignorance

So i havnt posted in a while. Been kinda not caring to be honest.

So the first topic, Relationships...
People are so...childish when it comes to relationships. It ranges from anywhere, friends to boyfriend and girlfriend even marriage.
So what do i think about them? i think relationships are usually super selfish for one person if not both.
If i were to be in a relationship, which i havnt, i would always think of the other person before myself. I would be in the relationship to please me, yes, but to also make that persons life awesome.
idk where i was going with it.
maybe im just jealous cause i have never had a girlfriend. or maybe im ignorant or naive to it.

next

Prom. ohhh prom hahahahaha
So i dont want to go. Thats the blunt statement of it all. the only reason why i would go is if i went with my friends, or if the person i liked asked me.
It seems that the only way im going is with my friends. But my friends want to bring dates.
Thats my problem, not only could i not get a date, but i dont like anyone in my school. :/
so what do i do? i dont know right now.
We will figure it out.

now ignorance, its a simple enough idea. People, my surrounding people, are just getting to me. They throw out ideas and opinions completely ignorant to how it really is. It may not just be ignorance or just they dont know all the facts. Which i can understand, but when i know they do and they just ignore it, is when it gets to me. Hmmphh hahaha

i seem to never write anything happy in these posts. Its usually negative. Idk why?
ill try to change that.

Alone with Everyone around me

Ummm soooooooo I am alone. That's the way I feel.
I feel that I can't tell anyone my feelings without the judgement, the criticism.

I just need to talk to someone and for them to listen.

I am alone.
Good night :P

Conversation

So i have a problem.

I cant hold a Conversation with most people.

Why?
I really dont know? it could be my lack of experience with people. It could be the fact that i dont always relate to most people either.

I am a simple person and i have simple tastes and im not overly complicated actually im just way to simple it seems. Predictable even.

With this simple personality comes a simply fact that i dont always need or always find the need to talk or put my input in on something.

I have just come to thinking about it, i just dont talk. Maybe thats why alot of what is going on in my life right now is happening. I dont express my feelings. i dont tell others what is on my mind.
Hmmmm i dont know.
also i might just be boring and hard to have a conversation with also.

Well, that has just been on my mind and it seems to be the root to some of my problems.

Wanna talk about it? :P
hahahahahahahaha

Back Home

Its pretty much depression.

My first thoughts, i miss my friends. Why cant i live there for ever. No worries. Always having fun.

Second thoughts, Am i an asshole for not wanting to come back and hang out with my friends here? I mean i love them to death too, but its two different worlds and I love both of them.

So, no im not an asshole. Im just divided. I dont know where i want to be in life.

First wish- i wish i could teleport....

Second wish- i wish we could all be together

Third wish- No worries, the only thing i want to worry about is if i should have pizza with bacon or should i have some Panda Express?

I am never bored when i am in Maine. I am never alone, i never feel lonely. I am never hungry. I am always full.
and when i come back home, its "snap! Back to reality..."

Portal 2

My thoughts on Portal 2.
Simply Put it is one of the best games i have ever played.

why?

there is no balancing issues, no little, immature, kids noob tubing me half way across the map...
hahahahahahaha

no but seriously, this game is literally one of th best i have ever played.

The story has great depth and explains the back stories to GLaDOS' and Aperture Science in general. It is funny in all areas and the best part is that it can be very serious at the same time.

My favorite part of the whole game is when you are taken to the 1960's version of Aperture Facilities and you finally get to use all the gels. That is also a great  part of the game. you dont even think about the gels untill you get there. You are to busy trying to either solve the puzzles or worrying about your own life and the story. Once you even get to the gels its not even half way through. Its great.

Im not going to spoil or even mention any of the games details because you need to learn it yourself in order to enjoy it. My only complaint about this game is that the cake is literally mentioned once and its not even mentioned by the main characters sadly enough.

Oh and the voice acting. Oh my god the voice acting...
It is so good. Every single person that talks in this game seems like they loved their lines and character so much that they would have done all of it for free! You can just tell that all of the actors loved their jobs.

Basically this is not that much of a good written review. Cause i dont want to spoil anything in the story. I really dont. Its soooo goood.

Bassically you just need to buy this game. If you like anything relating to half life or any type of puzzle games then buy this. If you are tired of Call of Duty, which i know for a fact there are alot of you out there, this is the game to get your mind off of it. Dont rush through the puzzles enjoy the game. Its not suppose to be fast its suppose to be hard. Although i didnt find the puzzles to be that hard in most of the cases but i think its just cause i have a nack for things like that.

All in all i would give this game a 10 out of 10. No joke.
and the best part, the story continues after the single player. The co-op picks up right after. and i have heard that it is just as long as the single player. (which was about a 6 to 7 hour play through for me) \

Buy this game! that is all :D

Headache and horror movies dont mix :/

So...What happened today?
Well i had a headache for most of the day. Wasnt to bad though and had a good day.
Bad thing though, damn horror movie.

I dont like horror movies at all. They are stale in story and scare the shit out of me. I dont like being scared. But i understand those who enjoy it...To each their own...

So why did i see it? cause i love hanging out with my friends. I would do anything to hang out with them. Like seeing a horror film. So i had a good time. I sat there and was quite. Enjoyed it for what it was. On the way back from the film i did in fact have one problem. People making fun of one another.

my moral opinion: never make fun of people.
So first i would like to say, i am a hypocrite. I know i am. But i still have a valid opinion and i do, most of the time, not make fun of people.
So my friends were mocking one of their friends because of his actions in the movie. I agree with them, the kid was kind of annoying. But having to mock him for our enjoyment?
No, to far.
just because he was your friend doesnt mean it gives you the right to mock him. I know what it is to be made fun of behind my back. and even strait to my face. Had it happen to me for 5 years strait almost every day. Its horrible.
I dont really know where i was going with this but i just believe its wrong.
Maybe thats just me. maybe im just to sensitive and what not. I just dont judge.
(and i still love my friends, i just disagree with them sometimes. For example the above situation)

So now im back and just chillin. Still have a fucking headache. I miss my friends. Always seems like i say goodbye and never hello. If you know what i mean.

i want them all to myself. But that is wayyyyyyy to selfish and thats not just me. Its not my style..yo....
;)

You dont always get what you want. So i prepare myself for the worst, and sometimes, only sometimes hope for the best. Because hope to me is nothing but a huge letdown. call me a pessimist or whatever. But that is just the way i am.
Hope to see my friends and hang out at least one more time before we depart. I hope hahaha

oh and p.s.
new trailers:
http://movies.ign.com/articles/116/1162971p1.html
xmen trailer

http://www.ign.com/videos/2011/04/19/cowboys-and-aliens-trailer-2
cowboys and aliens trailer



cya later :D

My opinions on Insidious

So Insidious....A good Horror movie?
Yes
A good Movie in general?
No

It was an acceptable horror movie. It scared me, but it kind of lost it in the end. It got a little to over done with its zombie souls everywhere. Also i get scared easily so, what does that say?
Also i had a friend of mines friend literally have a mental break down during the movie and everyone started laughing at him. Kind of annoying.
So im not going to go into this movie to much.
It was shot nicely and it scared me in ways that most other movies dont.
the bad thing about it was the story itself. The story didnt scare me, the scenes did. The lighting, the creepy makeup and sounds. A good scary movies story scares you and then it is portrayed through the screen. I shouldnt be able to predict when the next scary scene is because of the music, or the drastic change to Hand held camera.
Also the story itself was the traditional horror exorcism-esk film. Im not going to spoil the film in any way. Its just kind of predictable except in some minor places.

So my final verdict is that it is a movie worth seeing if you are into horror films. But if you are looking for a deep plot and something different then dont go see this movie. Rent it or just torrent it. If i had to put a star rating i would give it two.
The first is for its horror rating- a 3.5 out of 5
the second for its average movie rating i would give it a 2 out of 5.

Awesome fireworks and lightening- StumbleUpon

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2jTz9G/antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/image/0702/mcnaught3_kemppainen.jpg

so how does this picture make me feel? Content. Happy with where i am in life.
I had a little freak out last night as you can tell...And that is only what i published online. Not what i have on my iPod hahaha.

So this picture, to me, shows my personality. My divided mind. As you can probably tell i change my mind very quickly and it can be seen through my writing.

This shows the two sides of me. The depressing, yet realistic, side of me. Which is the lightening.
And then the other side. The fireworks. This is my imagination, my hope, my happy side. It is a small side of my mind but when it is shown it is spectacular. I love being happy, just how i love the fireworks. The awesome colors, the explosions and all the surprise.

So this may seem cheesy but its the way i view things. I assign meaning to everything. I look at everything and try to relate it back to me or something i know. I do this so i can relate to the real world and it also helps me remember things.

Also i like the people. I can relate to the people viewing the spectacle.
See i am the people, and the lightening and fireworks is my mind. I think everything through and then i try and view it from a different perspective. i am those people.

I know this picture may be Photoshoped but i really dont give a fuck.
hope you guys enjoy the picture. The writing, like everything else i post is just for me to look back on.

Hardest Decision of my Life?

Today i woke up and knew it wasnt gunna be the best. I could just feel it :(

so what happened?

It was a perfectly normal day. If anything i would have loved it. But alot came up and i have to make a few decisions. Can i list the choices? or even just the Problem like my other posts?

No. I can not.

Why?

because if i do peoples feelings will be hurt.

So here i go again. Listing my problems for all to read. Even though no one will probably read them.
Actually now that i think about it, the people that matter most and the people this is about will more than likely read it.

Damn. So how can i make this very broad and inconspicuous AND still get my feelings out...hmmmmmm
here we go.

Problem- im so fucking indecisive.
              
Answer- Ask friends and people what i should do. and then act on their opinions. Cause once i see others opinions i can actually formulate my own and my own plan of action.

so...easy enough eh?

No. Not at all.

Problem with the Answer- If i ask the people what i should do they will be optimistic and not tell me what i need to hear. They will give me hope.
Which they already have. And i love them for it. But i came to realize that this hope is so misleading it will indeed tear me apart.

So. You may ask why i need to ask for a depressing answer? because it is what is needed and i am to much or a bitch...no...i dont know what i am...I need the harsh reality of the situation which i already know. But i need to make someone basically tell me what to do.

What is this? Oh geez. Its an excuse.

An excuse to back up the huge fucking rock wall that is going to fall on me.
Its okay rock wall. i know you are going to crush me and tear me apart. But i know why and i have a reason for you to do so. 


shit....

So i am back in the same place. Where is that?
I am still the indecisive little kid i have been for the past like 13 years. its depressing. This whole situation is depressing.

HAHAHAHAHA

i just realized that even if i dont have to make this decision, the root of the problem will happen anyway! HA HA HA hahahahahahahahaha

i laugh at my own misfortune, my own demise, my own depression. what does that show? am i fucking crazy? hahahahaha oh my god.

this is funny, this should be an interesting read for you shouldnt it? hahahahaha or is it so fucking annoying cause you dont know what the fuck im talking about? probably the second of the two.

sorry :/

i just need to get this out of me. It is a coping mechanism.
a way to see my problems and asses the situation. To look at it from afar. Maybe i dont need another person to tell me what to do. i just need myself. I just need to re read what i am writing and judge myself to find the answer. hmmmmmm maybe that is a fix to the horrible problem.

The outcome no matter what is pain. Even if i answer the problem i will be in pain but i will save my future self. Is that so selfish? i think it very much is. But humans, no matter who you are, are the most selfish creatures i can think of.

So what if i ignore the situation, you ask? well i already answered that. I still will be in pain. But so much more. Im in pain now. and i will be until the very end.

Im arguing with myself. And there will be no winner......


so what happens?

you will see me staring. looking like im away. on another world. you may view it as being tired, as being rude and not paying attention, you may think im just stupid.

But the reality is, im staring cause thats how i think. I am deep in thought. Thinking of every out come. Hoping, hoping so much that i can find a solution without pain.

so am i ignoring you when you see my staring off? yes. yes i am. Why? because my life is more important that yours. now, that may be a harsh reality but in my opinion it is. And i will take my life for anyone in the world so that they can live. I will do anything to help another person. I will. but right now. I am being so selfish cause i am in so much pain that i cant even describe it..... and there is no reason that i should suffer. unless it is to learn.

Thank God i am a good actor. Thank god when you ask what is wrong i laugh at your joke and then go on looking fine as i did a month ago. Good think you will never know when i am in this amount of pain.
The only way you will know is if i tell you and i trust you enough to take the harsh reality and cope with it. But i am the one who determines if you can cope. I will.

I say again. Thank god i am a good actor.
Good night :)

Hopes

I thought it could happen. But now I realize the chances of it happening is like 1%
Hmmmmm now I feel depressed.
If anyone reads this and knows me don't ask. I just need to write it so I can get it out there. Don't ask me what's wrong. It's who I am.

I though I might not indirectly talk about shut again but I was wrong. It probably is going to happen alot more.

Peace out Bros. I'll talk to you later! Kinda maybe? Lololol

Adorable dog...StumbleUpon

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/6whzn7/weruletheinternet.com/2011/03/28/30-animal-pictures-that-will-put-a-smile-on-your-face


Cute adorable animals. one of my favorite things in life.
I so happen to stubleupon on the 'Interwebs'
upon this cute little dog and animal collage. I love it cause it shows that animals are so fucking adorable!!

I just want to post a few more links through out the next few days. Just cause i can. Alot of them are of animals and awesome sunsets and blah balhghh.

All represent part of my personality and what i really enjoy. Hope you like. I wanted to post more meaningfull words to coincide with the adorable puppy! but i couldnt think of any. Maybe next time

Thor...the beginning

I just saw the Australian review for Thor. Or rather read it. 
http://movies.ign.com/articles/116/1161564p1.html


Im so happy to hear that this movie doesnt suck. Not only does it not suck but it got an above average rating. The review states that it has its funny moments and it can keep its very serious moments. The main actor Chris Hemsworth is actually a good actor. he actually act. That is great! 




Now you may wonder why i am so happy that a movie got above an average rating. This is because you dont see movies now adays that are not original (this is based off a comic) and are good. 


This basically is the future of many movies and this is a good sign. This movie is good so i Hope and finally believe that Captain America: the First Avenger will be above decent and so will the Avengers. These are my favorite characters in one movie and this is a stepping stone to a happy beginning! I cant wait!!!!! 

I now just cant wait to see it myself and then review it on here!!!  

Maine

im at eds house. I love it. Dont need to write to much about this cause i know ill remember this and how much fun it is. 

soooo yeaaa...idk what to write about. I guess its a writers block. Hmmmmm

I like music <3

My Problems

It is 10:34 pm on a thursday, school, night.

I realize what my problem is...Motivation
all of my life is based around it. For example, i am up this late right now so that i can clean my clothes so that i can pack them for Eds house. So what is the motivation? going to go hang out with my best friends.

problem- Why didnt i ask out that girl in freshmen and sophomore year?
               why dont i even ask out the girl i like now?
answer- didnt/ dont have the motivation. (and i was/am to much of a bitch)
i couldnt for the life of me find any positive force pushing me towards my goal. Why did i want to ask out this chick? because that was and is the norm....I like a girl. maybe as a friend. maybe something more. So what is the logical thing to do at this young of an age? ask her out.
and accomplish what? nothing much. just experience. learning how to flirt, kiss, makeout, talk to women in general. Learn from my mistakes.

So now, because of my past mistakes i am a novice. a "noob" hahahaha its a funny thought. It is even more funny when people find me attractive or when people just strait up like me. It is such a puzzling thing to me. I dont know how to explain it. It just doesnt register to me, why would someone like a kid with no experience? I feel as if i might be doomed? but im not. because i do realize there are people out there who like it. who find it adorable or cute. or whatever those kids say now adays.

But now i am 18 and i am still in the same predicament. I have no motivation. Why didnt i apply to college as early as everyone else?
answer- i didnt want to move on. If i applied that was one more step into the "jail cell of responsibility". The thing is i am already in the cell. the key hasnt locked the cell door yet.

problem- stress and pessimism- i always say im stressed. I just get stressed over the littlest things. (that was a simple one)
now pessimism...thats a hard one to answer.... i dont look at all the good things in life. Why you ask? well because if i look for all the good things in life then i wont see the brutal reality that it also holds.
See the thing is, i do actually see the good things in life. Like my friends and family. But i over look these things from time. because if i always look at the good then im going to hit that brick wall of reality. Those friends and family arent always there to help me and be there for me. So i have to look at the harsh reality and prepare myself.
Plan for the worst and Hope for the best.

lost my train of thought...

problems? oh yes problems!! hmmmmmmmm life is trapped full of them. you never know what your going to get.
life without problems wouldnt be much of a life at all. So all of the words above ^^ are just things in life that make me unique. out of the ordinary. and i embrace them. They make me who i am. there is no such thing as perfect.

which is weird...because it seems that everyones goals are to strive to reach perfection. an unachievable goal.

An Addiction

I have a problem...an Addiction

it is an addiction that i cant help but succumb to its callings. I need to do it. I cant resist.
So....
I did it. I had to. Couldnt help myself. I needed a cure for boredom and the cure is now my drug.

For 55 minutes per episode. With 12 episodes running in one whole season, and watching 2 whole seasons i have wasted about 24 hours of my life doing this drug

But was it wasted? i mean i was bored as shit. or bored to shit...i was really bored. So i watched it and got hooked. Now i need to get my fix. But there is a problem.

a problem.

a huge problem with a simple answer. Netflix doesnt have the 3rd season...

answer- torrent 3rd season. easy enough yea?

NO! i have a moral issue with that. I dont like to steal. no matter how many people do it.
so what do i do? i randomly search movie sites till i find a Netflix-able movie.
I have arrived at "full metal jacket"
so far i only like the first 40 minutes or so. Everything else is boring and hard to pay attention to.

It isnt a good substitute for my drug.
Im tired of being bored.
I need Dexter!!!
:P

ima goof! hahahahahahahaha.
i love this idea of a journal thing :D

Going to eds tomorrow. Cant wait

Dont feel like writing one of these. But i have to. I want to remember all the good times.

Had a great time with Tyler today. Just chilled and walked around. Was very interesting.

Its amazing the state we live in. So boring, yet amazing. So much history.
The houses are so old. It seems they can stand there for hundreds of years, i mean they have but i feel like they can do more. Its amazing. i was just looking at something someone was looking and living or building in/on about 200 or 300 years ago.
The pyramids. Damn. So old, its amazing. Can stand the test of time. What does our generation bring? obesity? pollution? extinction of animals? Selfishness? war? its almost sad.

But eh. Its life!?

Cant wait to go to eds tomorrow. Going and hanging with him is the best. Its like its a whole diffrent world. And i never want to leave. all the halo and friends and foood!! hahaha
good times. Gunna see natalie. gunna be so fun!! Colby and john will be there too. gunna be the best week of my life. i hope!!

p.s. i love "sweet disposition"!

Women and my thought process

i keep leading myself into believing that everything will be perfect.

What a joke that is! If anything was ever going to happen it would have happened by now...no? im so confused in this department of life. Its like a tease.

I should probably stop talking indirectly about what i feel, but now im not indirectly talking about it. Im directly confirming that i am indirect...

Okay. So! one thing i probably should learn is that i should stop writing these posts in the morning its killing my time! i need to get ready. Havnt even spiked my hair. Fuck. :(
hmmm okay need to leave now. I want to talk about this topic more. But if the people read this and start to wonder what im talking about, then im going to have to answer.

I dont want to answer that question/s.
hmmmmm i seem to create my own problems. Like not being able to spike my hair :P

i wonder what the weather is like outside?

Tylers Birthday

Tis a good day.

We have bought all the necessary components to finish our version of the Matrix. All we need to do now is completely build it.

Once that is done we need to talk to Morpheus and decide if we should take the blue pill or the red one...

I know which im going to take hahahaha

good times ahead my friends. Picture will be up soon, need something to remember this by. God knows i wont unless i have pictures :D

Alone Time

           The past few days it seems that i have been moving farther away from the people i love. I dont know why. I just cant hold a conversation now adays. I dont know if it is just a faze in my life that i am going through. I wouldnt call it depression but it isnt totally enjoyable either. Deep thoughts of the future run through my head day by day, minute by minute. I cant even concentrate on the things that matter any more.

What does actually matter?

I have been told that college should be the only thing on my mind right now and it is. But i dont want it to be. I have just found my friends, my group of people and we have been solidified as friends. But now college seems to be getting in the way.

I just keep moving farther away and college hasnt even started yet.

Also my obligation and plans to hang out with other friends in other places seems to ruin good moments that are in the now.

I think i should stop planning and just let it ride.

I cant though "Josh, college is the next big step in your life, you need to plan  to be successful", i dont want to, but how do you say no to that?

I have also come to the realization that no one is going to read this, so this is just a journal in a way. Preserving my memories and feelings for future dates or boredom. This seems to be just for me. A good way for me to spill my feelings without anyone pestering me with why i look depressed when i really am not. A good way for me to just get what i feel out there, and know, that no one will look at it. This is not a call for help, but more of a way for whomever reads this to understand me better. To look into a mind that seems to change so much.

except maybe my colleges. hmmmmm. thats a funny thought. If you are reading. HI :) hahahhaha

also this post reminds me of the song "Sweet Disposition", i love that song! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vN7HQrgakZU








Hmmmmm, good day ahead of me though. My best friends birthday. Gunna help him with designing his room for future trips into the matrix. Good days ahed, lets see if i can make the best of them...eh?

A Childs Life

Enough for me is to live as a child
to never have responsibilities
to always have fun
hanging with friends all day
in the warm summer air

Enough for me is to live simply
to live day by day
never planning
always living free

But i come to realize
as i get older
what is enough for me
is not what is expected of me
enough for them
is a jail cell of responsibility