Loss

The best way to deal with a loss is to never be alone.
Always be with someone and or doing something. Read a book or watch a movie sothat you can be anywhere but where you are right now.
Do anything to not be alone and not think about the loss.

Whatever works I suppose.
This has happened to me before and thanks to that I know how to deal with this now.

It's a shitty situation, no doubt about that. But this is what life deals out I suppose.
Shit happens.

And shit happens to me alot.

Good Bye, I'll talk to you later (;

LessThanThree

I have a couple of new ideas for some t-shirts. Im gunna work them up soon on my computer and then see if i can get them out on a couple of shirts. So far i have a bunch of squares and hearts....hahahahah

i think your gunna have to trust me on that one. I think some of my friends/people i know might like them.

Each one is gunna have a motto to it. If you get my drift. the one with the Squares i have no idea yet.
and
the one with the hearts is going to be "Less than Three means that You are the World to Me" thats going to be on the front and on the back is going to be "<3" hahahaha. its kinda cheesy but i like it. And its a going to be a cool design, id wear it.
But i also dont care that much what people think hahahahaha.

For the squares i think im going to put "Dont be a Square, Stand Out!"
and be yourself on the back and one of the many squares that is going to be drawn will be a different color than the rest.
idk.

im still thining about it. hahah
What do you think?

Spoons

So what is spoons?

Spoons is just a very big version of tag. A person is assigned a spoon.
Person A tries to find Person B (person B's name is written on person A's Spoon)
Once person A tags person B, person B gives up his/her spoon which has person C's name on it.
And its just a gigantic circle of people with that in my senior year class. But to mix it up a little there are immunities, for example if you have a pacifier in your mouth, you cant get tagged. and the school assigns new immunities everyday that stack up ontop of each other.

So, this game is supposed to be just fun, a way for the senior class to come together and have fun.
What has happened so far? well that and just a shit ton of drama cause people are back stabbing and shit like that just so they can win.
i mean, the winner just gets a $50 gift card. Its no big deal. But so many people are getting so pissed at one another because of it. Its just a game people.

But in my friends cases its a root to a much deeper thing. Friendship.
Friends dont backstab other friends just to win $50, to like iHop.
Thats stupid. And i agree with him. that stupid. Just have fun with it.
if you have to backstab and lie to people to win, well then, thats just pathetic.

On another note, let me lay down a scenario for you here...yea?
okay, good!

say you talk to someone for a very long time. And you guys are best friends and blah blah baskd;flsdf.. you get that.
okay, so say you guys just stop talking.
it just stops. i really dont know why. but it just has.

okay, so you got that?

okay..good.

So, what do you do?
im just confused and lost and sad. cause i lost one of my friends, one of, what i thought was my best friends.
im just trying to forget and ignore and get over it. its just not the easiest thing to do.

ooo what ever. that shouldnt concern you, its my problem.

Good news!  i only have 5 days of my high school career left! its kinda awesome, but sad.
Where did all that time go? those four years?

sigh....
good bye :)

Communication

im not to good at it. But i think i am okay.
im just sitting here watching Lord of the Rings and thinking.
I feel like shit, my head hurts and my stomach is felling weird.

Not to enjoyable, but its the best i can make of it i suppose.

So communication....

a relationship, any, based on communication alone is doomed to fail, i think.
Or at least for me it is doomed. I dont know why. But i feel like i just loose my friends to it. We talk a shit load, or used to hang out and now that we stopped i just can relate. I am not that good of friends with them anymore. I have lost them and they have lost me.

Sigh.
Good night everyone.

Failed Edit

well shit folks.

i failed. I dont know what to say. I just didnt have it in me?
ehh maybe. i totally can do it, itll just get boring and hard to work on for not that great of an outcome.
So, i need new material.

need a new song. I dont know what ill use yet.
here is the vid:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_UjoAsPG8A

whatcha think?

Pepsi Shirt = WIN!!!!

the title says it all!

So, my Pepsi shirt is pretty much THE shit!

Why do i love it so much?

well, because pepsi is one of my most favorite thing in the world!!!!!
why?
well cause it taste amazing
it keeps me awake (who needs coffee?)
it has a sick logo
the name is awesome
and lastly, i love the colors!!!

so why do i love the shirt? well cause firstly its has pepsi logo on it
secondly its baby blue (another of my most favorite things)
and thirdly cause its sooooooooo soft ;)

so i am so excited to wear this to school tomorrow. im gunna be strollin in to school with my sick ass pepsi shirt and my spiked hair and some shorts. Gunna be fly as shit.

wanna know the best part??...

no one is going to notice hahahahaha. but who cares!? i love it and that is all that matters.

Pepsi Shirt = <3

*something Witty goes here*

So i cant think of an awesome/catchy title...
well shit :/
hahahahahaha

so i had a great day. My friends and i have started to clear out the "Gauntlet"
its not to bad. Its no Fort Savage but it can get there with a few weeks of work.
I think i would love it so much more if i knew there were going to be no bugs.

I hate bugs. With a passion.
They are my biggest fear. BIGGEST. i am not afraid of anything more in the world.
They are disgusting. and so fucking annoying. ahhhh they just scare me.

so, new topic! :D

umm i love my video game again. for those of  you who have read the past few posts, you may understand. For those of you who havnt, wellllll...to bad i guess.

Bad news- No more xbox live. I have run out of money.
So whats my plan/replacement?
1. make a shit ton of montages.
2. make more montages.
3. eat food.
4. go to tylers house and mooch his xbox and just hang out with him almost everyday.
5. try and start to get back into running.
6. learn how to Teleport or Read peoples minds
7. with my new found powers, i shall take over the world.....

good plan eh?
i thought so! :P

So i saw this post on Daily booth, yea i use that.
and it really spoke to me. it was kind of inspirational and hopeful as well.

 "I’ve always had a curvy body. Back in middle school kids would always make fun of me & call me “Hippo”. Now they don’t say so much ;)"


so, why do i like this? well cause it shows that people can move on. it also shows and helps me feel better about myself cause it gives me hope that i can move on from my past as well. 
its awesome. and yea she is super attractive now and i think that kind of helps this person cope with it. But i like to think what i want. GOSH!!! 
:P


hahaha im excited for what the future hold right now. What ever it may be. I dont want to grow up still, but i think i kind of come to terms with it. I understand that it is going to happen and that i need to deal with it, instead of bitching about it. 
But, knowing me, i still will complain about it from time to time. 


what ever. 


so what now? ummmmmmmmmm i really like food. and kittens. 
OH MY GOD i love kittens so much. 
so fucking adorable :) 


well, peace off my friends. 
good bye. 
too da loooooo
im bouncin yo
leavin for now
cya later
peace
*a quick nod of the head*
have a good day 
;)

Relationships

"Tomorrow I'll wake up, do some P90X
Find a really nice girl, have some really nice sex"


were it so easy...


hahahahaha. so whats on my mind this morning? 
well, relationships. 
They are a very easy concept. Two people coming together with common interests. 


There are, obviously, different levels of relationships. 
-a simple relationship is just a common interest simple as a video game. 


-friendship is multiple interests that people can relate to and talk about on a deep level.


now the hard one...


-when two people come together and express their love for each other. Now thats a great relationship. 
Some may call it boyfriend girlfriend others marriage. Some people can love each other and not be boyfriend girlfriend and just be really great friends, thats best friends. 


so relationships in general are very easy to me. 
Want a good one? 
always tell each other the truth, if they can except it and take it as criticism or as a way to improve on their character, then that person isnt the right person. 
Some may get mad, and that is fine, but when in a relationship, the two people need to work together to make themselves better people for each other.  


now, there are obviously other things in relationship that the two people need to make it work. 
But, in my opinion, at the core you need trust. Thats how it works. 
If you cant tell one another what is on your mind then it wont work. 


and it is an easy concept for me. always tell the truth. dont lie to one another. make sure your connection is the best. 
you start to develop trust. 
and that is the best part. Knowing that someone knows you in and out and you trust that person and they trust you. That is the most rewarding thing in a relationship for me. 
for me, not for everyone. 


so. i just completely lost my train of thought. 
fuck. hahahaha


ummm. i dont know if i have ADD or ADDHD but sometimes i think i do. I think i can control it to a certain point. but its whatever. it doesnt really matter. its just a mental thing. i can do anything i put my mind to, and never tell me other wise. 


soo yea. 
"thats all i have to say about that."
(for the ones that know what that is from, you are the best :D) 


so why talk about relationships today? well, one of my bestfriends keeps getting into these predicaments with his significant other...lol
its an easy fix. but when you are caught up in it all its sometimes very hard to see the answer to the problem. and i try to help, but i cant always help. i just give them a way to help each other.
so they can grow closer together, so they can trust each other. so they can accept it. 


when talking to them i had to tell them that i have been in some...
lets call it "emotional turmoil" 
yea? hahaha 
and it is very hard for me to tell people that. 


why? 


well, i can give advice from time to time, it sometimes helps people and sometimes i dont help at all. 
But, for the life of me, i cant follow my own advice. 
I never tell people my feelings. never. 
i have only done it to two people in my life. These people, i know can help me. I know they can take it and try to help me with all of their life. I also know that if i tell these people how i feel they wont die. and stress out over me. 


so why only two people? well cause if i told everyone then i would be an open book. 
i can have that. to easy to hurt me. 


so now, the main point, one of those two people turned out to ummm 
how do i say it
uhhhh 
disappear? leave me? 
ummm lets say that this person turned out that they cant multi task. 
hahahaah lets just say that. 


so, now i have only one person i can talk to about everything. and it really hurt me that i only have one instead of two. i opened up to that person, and now they arent there anymore to help. 


it sucks. so if i stay closed and only stay with this one person then i wont get hurt anymore. 


its not the best way to live. But i have done it for some time now and i didnt have that much stress untill this person came into my life. 


so im just going to stick with it. its my strategy AND i do NOT recommend it for other people. 
its good to be open to people, i just cant handle it, it just doesnt work for me. 


so, i hope this helped someone. or if not, well just comment and tell me what you think! am i wrong? am i right? 


have a good day :) 
ill post later tonight. 

What it be Homie G?

see what i did there? 

tehe

i made it rhyme....

:P

sooo i had an okay day. 

Went to the Pheasant Lane mall and just walked around and bought my mom a Mothers Day gift. 

I hope she likes it. 

While at the mall i was just chillin. Walked around. Just minded my own business and was just chillin...

Was relaxing, fun, and most of all it got my mind off things. It helped my deal with the problems in my life. 

Well, problem. 

That damn Video Game (read http://liteupthenight.blogspot.com/2011/05/dont-know-what-to-write-about.html if  you dont understand that reference) 

i wish i just didnt play it. I have gotten over it. Like i know i dont want to play it anymore. But i sure do fucking miss the living fuck out of it. But it also pisses me off too. 

If i get the chance to play it again, i dont know what i will do. Knowing me, i will probably will play it and get all pissy again cause i played it :/ 

ummmm i like food. Thought you should know that. 

yeaaa. 

hmmmm its amazing how blind one can be to something thats right infront of them. 

im an emotional wreck hahaha. 

its what ever though, with time it will pass i suppose. 

i dont know what to write about now? 

umm peanut butter? nahh to boring. 

what about....ummm

i dont know. 

whatever. ill talk later. peace out bro/bra/person ;)

Dont know what to write about

i dont know what to write about.

Tomorrow is mothers day...
i dont have any money. Actually i have about $35 in quarters that im going to use.
I have no money. It is starting to become a problem for me.

I need a job.
Dont want a job. fuck :(

Had a rough week.
as my friends would put it "i have been on edge"

Yea, i have. I really just dont know what to do. hahaahaha
i have lost it, well, actually i know where it is. But it is to hard to reach. And i use to love having it but i think if i try and get it i will be disappointed with what happens.

Its like an old video game. I use to love it, i lost it, and now i re-play it and realize how much it sucks now. So now the awesome memory of that video game is now shit. boring. causes me stress. makes me yell at my friends...i dont think im talking about a video game anymore ;)

so, what do i do now? i just leave it there. Occasionally it will fall, i will look at it. remember how good of a game it was. Look at the box art. Maybe watch a few trailers for the game to remember. But never actually play it again. So i put it back up on its shelf and keep it clean and always have it but never touch it again.
Maybe i should just throw it away? so i forget about it. So i dont have to worry about it bothering me again?
maybe.

So! New topic.
Mothers day. what should i buy?
ehhhhhhh, a card.
okay i definitely need a card.
now what else? a candle? she always wants a candle. hmmmm a gift card? ehhh, doesnt show enough love.
iTunes card? meh, i will sooner or later use it too.
ummmmmmm, i need something cheap that still looks like i care.
im so fucking bad at this. Im just not in the mood for it.
Fuck you Video Game! i wish i just never played you!!

i think ill go with a candle.
no flowers. i hate giving flowers. so typical and ordinary. boring. its just a pretty plant that will die.
wow, that sounded bad? hahahahaha

see, if flowers didnt die, and they just stayed perfect and colorful i wouldnt mind spending 69billion dollars on them. But they kinda just go bad after a week.
A candle, well at least they last about a month or two.

im hungry. Kinda want some food. nothing for me to have though. I might be able to go afford a McFlurry after i buy everything.
Maybe.
i doubt it though.

hmmmmmm, i promised you that i would write about happier stuff. Look where that got me? no where
damnit. i wonder if every teenager has gone through something like this.
they probably have, im just bad at dealing with it.
I trap my emotions in to much and just let them all out at one time. Kinda sucks.
i need a vacation.

am i really bored when i say i am bored? or am i just making an excuse to not go do anything cause i am also lazy. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

sigh. huge fucking sigh...i need to get out of this house. I just want to go walk around somewhere. Just chill, by myself. with music.

i think i might do that. actually scratch that. shit weather today. well at least thats what my mom said. ehhhh plus im going out tonight for my mom. going to go see that again. i liked thor, Natalie Portman is hot.

hahahah ill leave you on that note.

goodbye :)
ill talk to you probably tonight. maybe, kinda, i really dont know actually. But probably kinda maybe...
ya know? hahahahah
bye

Understand

Understand this...

just because i have never been in a relationship.
just because i have never had a girlfriend.

doesnt mean i dont understand...
anything,
where you are coming from,
what it is like to love,
to loose,
to give help,
It doesnt mean i dont understand.

What does it mean? it means i dont have the balls to ask out a chick.
So, what does that mean?
It means that i am shy, i am insecure, that i am afraid of failure.

I have had friends, pretty much brothers and sisters to me.
I know how to help. i do know what it is like to love another person, to want to die for them, to do anything for them.

So if you ever say, "Josh, you don't understand." then obviously you dont know what it is like to know a person. You dont know what it is like to empathize, to put yourself in anothers shoes.
"But, Josh, you don't know how you will act in that situation balh balh blah baljskerhj;askldfjlkj"

You are right, i dont. But i am almost sure that i can predict what i will say. I can promise you that i know can understand, know, or project myself into your situation to help myself understand what your situation is.

I am not ignorant or naive...

I just dont know how to kiss.

Keep that in mind.

So, im bored...

This is me writing out of boredom and frustration.
just keep that in mind. Cause im going to probably switch between many topics and its gunna be quick

So, whats up today?
I dont really know. It was an okay day today. Average i guess. and once i got home it just seemed to become shity. Boring. i guess another average day hahaha.
im just not in the best mood today. Maybe im just a negative person? Even though i love being happy.

well doesnt everyone? hahahaha wtf

i love making other people happy i guess. I love it!! i love making them smile and just hanging out with them. Just being in their presence.
But i also hate people.

So, let me restate that, i like hanging out with my friends.

so what type of mood am i in right now? just wish i could be sitting with all my friends. Next to someone just listening to all of them talking.
Occasionally submitting my feelings/thoughts and see what people say.

Why do i not like to talk to them? well i do!
but i like listening to them more and watching their reactions to my seldom sarcasm.
I like to listen and analyze, try to predict what they might say next. It helps me cope, helps me think.


Im growing up man...
I dont like it. I felt old today.
Not necessarily better, higher, bigger than other people.
But i looked at these freshmen and sophomores talking about their lives, and their problems.
Just sitting there and remembering when i use to worry about writing a 1 page essay. When my biggest problem was if i should play basketball for a couple hours or hang with friends.
Now?
i have to worry about my future, im going into the real world in less than 30 days...
less than a month..
its amazing how fast time goes. I can remember sitting with tyler at his garage, trying to just film random shit.
Watching the sun go down. Loving the weather.

now, those days are gone.
Sure i have them every once in a while, but not as much. and i cant enjoy them to there full extent.

I just find it funny how much can happen in 4 years. So much. Maybe this is the biggest change in my life.
I have changed so much.
I am an adult, i feel mature. I feel that i can take on the real world if i needed.
do i want to? am i fully prepared?

no, and i never will be


The best way to cope with it all?
music and friends.

"life has been insane"
"thats what makes life interesting, i guess. Those insane parts."

thats so true. its insane within itself how true that statement is.
I have always lived for the past, rarely for the now, and never for the future.
I need to learn from my own advice.

Live for the now, dont go crazy, but dont ever make a decision that i look back on and regret not doing something.
Just do it
so with saying that.

Im going to Prom.

whats the worst that happens?
i get really embarrassed cause i cant dance?
yea, that will totally happen. But who gives a fuck.
who will judge me? so what, i cant dance. hahaha im never gunna see those kids again in my life. And the ones that i do see again are the ones that wont make fun of me, they are the ones that im there for. To live the good life and live the memories.

now, there is only one thing on my mind.
and i cant talk about it hahahaha. its so stupid.
lets just say those love songs, they are true.
hahahaahhaahaha

ill talk to you later.
Peace :)

Memories :)

The good old times.

I want to remember these times, man.
Having fun in the woods. Having fun anywhere with anyone. I want to remember everything.
People say that a picture is worth a thousand words, well i want thousands of pictures. For thousands and thousands of memories.

So for now on, im going to take pictures at every major event for me from now on. Even the bad ones. But more importantly the Great ones. The ones that need to be preserved so that i know i had a past. So that i can look back in 50 years and remember what i used to look like. what i used to do. The mistakes and the great choices i made. The fun times. The great moments like the one above.

It was a great day. We bonded. We became more than friends, we already were, but this established it. We are brothers. "Bro's"

Good times man, good times :D

Relationships/Prom/Ignorance

So i havnt posted in a while. Been kinda not caring to be honest.

So the first topic, Relationships...
People are so...childish when it comes to relationships. It ranges from anywhere, friends to boyfriend and girlfriend even marriage.
So what do i think about them? i think relationships are usually super selfish for one person if not both.
If i were to be in a relationship, which i havnt, i would always think of the other person before myself. I would be in the relationship to please me, yes, but to also make that persons life awesome.
idk where i was going with it.
maybe im just jealous cause i have never had a girlfriend. or maybe im ignorant or naive to it.

next

Prom. ohhh prom hahahahaha
So i dont want to go. Thats the blunt statement of it all. the only reason why i would go is if i went with my friends, or if the person i liked asked me.
It seems that the only way im going is with my friends. But my friends want to bring dates.
Thats my problem, not only could i not get a date, but i dont like anyone in my school. :/
so what do i do? i dont know right now.
We will figure it out.

now ignorance, its a simple enough idea. People, my surrounding people, are just getting to me. They throw out ideas and opinions completely ignorant to how it really is. It may not just be ignorance or just they dont know all the facts. Which i can understand, but when i know they do and they just ignore it, is when it gets to me. Hmmphh hahaha

i seem to never write anything happy in these posts. Its usually negative. Idk why?
ill try to change that.