My Problems

It is 10:34 pm on a thursday, school, night.

I realize what my problem is...Motivation
all of my life is based around it. For example, i am up this late right now so that i can clean my clothes so that i can pack them for Eds house. So what is the motivation? going to go hang out with my best friends.

problem- Why didnt i ask out that girl in freshmen and sophomore year?
               why dont i even ask out the girl i like now?
answer- didnt/ dont have the motivation. (and i was/am to much of a bitch)
i couldnt for the life of me find any positive force pushing me towards my goal. Why did i want to ask out this chick? because that was and is the norm....I like a girl. maybe as a friend. maybe something more. So what is the logical thing to do at this young of an age? ask her out.
and accomplish what? nothing much. just experience. learning how to flirt, kiss, makeout, talk to women in general. Learn from my mistakes.

So now, because of my past mistakes i am a novice. a "noob" hahahaha its a funny thought. It is even more funny when people find me attractive or when people just strait up like me. It is such a puzzling thing to me. I dont know how to explain it. It just doesnt register to me, why would someone like a kid with no experience? I feel as if i might be doomed? but im not. because i do realize there are people out there who like it. who find it adorable or cute. or whatever those kids say now adays.

But now i am 18 and i am still in the same predicament. I have no motivation. Why didnt i apply to college as early as everyone else?
answer- i didnt want to move on. If i applied that was one more step into the "jail cell of responsibility". The thing is i am already in the cell. the key hasnt locked the cell door yet.

problem- stress and pessimism- i always say im stressed. I just get stressed over the littlest things. (that was a simple one)
now pessimism...thats a hard one to answer.... i dont look at all the good things in life. Why you ask? well because if i look for all the good things in life then i wont see the brutal reality that it also holds.
See the thing is, i do actually see the good things in life. Like my friends and family. But i over look these things from time. because if i always look at the good then im going to hit that brick wall of reality. Those friends and family arent always there to help me and be there for me. So i have to look at the harsh reality and prepare myself.
Plan for the worst and Hope for the best.

lost my train of thought...

problems? oh yes problems!! hmmmmmmmm life is trapped full of them. you never know what your going to get.
life without problems wouldnt be much of a life at all. So all of the words above ^^ are just things in life that make me unique. out of the ordinary. and i embrace them. They make me who i am. there is no such thing as perfect.

which is weird...because it seems that everyones goals are to strive to reach perfection. an unachievable goal.